Vintage TUF – The Ultimate Fighter Season 10: Heavyweights – Week 2

Reliving The Season That Cardio Forgot

 Week 2

Punisher Bass: We open up with a brief recap of the previous episode. The coaches don’t like each other and lots and lots of blood. On the off chance that you forgot who the centerpiece of this season is, the UFC happily reminds you that it’s Kimbo Slice.

Oh dear god this theme song… NC, please tell me they’re not still using this thing? It’s a good thing I can fast forward through it, otherwise I’d be in search of a knitting needle to shove through my ears right now.

NewChallenger: How dare you criticize that classic theme. No, they are no longer using it…and we are all the worse off for it.

PB: Hmmm, the opening shot is of a wooden cross on a hill overlooking the city below and Mike Rowe is narrating… Gee I wonder where the production crew got the idea for that? Add a little water and snow, both things not normally found in Vegas, and this is a carbon copy of Deadliest Catch.

NC: As we get a look at the cast in the house, Kimbo says that the first thing he noticed was that there was “a lot of meat in there”. Phrasing.

PB: “I’m sure I’m gonna fight next” Kimbo says. Not yet big guy, not just yet…

Justin Wren and Roy Nelson are in the kitchen talking about our favorite nipple head and how they think they match up against him.

NC: They are licking their chops at the prospect of getting their hands on Kimbo (I know, phrasing). In retrospect, it’s insane that Kimbo would be considered anywhere near the level of a top ten heavyweight like Big Country. This is the world that some of us were living in back in 2009.

PB: Team Silver starts their training session and the camera focuses almost exclusively on Kimbo.

NC: Nothing endears you more to a group of guys who want to beat your ass than getting preferential treatment from the show and the coaches.

PB: We have the first Tiki sighting on the episode! And he’s bringing less wisdom than what you’d find inside a fortune cookie. Take two shots, one because he’s on camera and another for saying something stupid.

I’m not a grappler, but to my very untrained eye, this looks like the grappling equivalent of a pity f**k for Slice.

Street Thug JitsuWhat exactly is Kimbo going to do from this position?

NC: One thing I’ll say about Rampage is that he could have gone the opposite way with this whole thing and been envious of all the attention that Kimbo has received. It’s nice to see him take him under his wing, for better or for worse.

PB: Team Gold takes to the mat for their training session, and Nelson seems to be giving his coaches a bit of a hard time. Roy is a seasoned fighter, and former champion, and doesn’t feel like he needs to be in the Guppy class like everyone else. So Rashad and company sit him down for a little chit-chat in the back room.

“You got knocked out by Arlovski, do you want that to happen again?” Trevor Wittman says to him.

Roy replies with a sigh and low key “No, I don’t”.

“If you’re not going to take this seriously, I’ll ask Rampage if he needs another guy.” Damn man, that’s cold!

Nelson ShockedTell me…he did not just say that.

It’s time to announce the next fight, and Quinton pretends he doesn’t remember Nelson’s name. We’re not even 10 minutes into the second episode and I think this is the third time he’s used this joke this season. Stuff like this is one of the reasons why I never tuned into another TUF after this.

Jackson selects Rashad’s #1 pick James McSweeney (after flubbing his name) to face off with his #4 pick Wes Shivers. There’s A LOT I have to say about these guys, but it’s going to have to wait for a bit, but trust me their day is coming.

NC: It should be mentioned that McSweeney is a natural 205er and Shivers dwarfs him. The man is enormous.

PB: Quinton is very confident that Wes is going to demolish McSweeney in short order, saying he’s just doing it “to be mean”. Yeah, get back to me on how that works out for ya.

I’m going to listen to some ZZ Top here instead of whatever James has to say, I don’t like the guy and I find him to be very irritating, so trying to recap his thoughts would just push me into snark overload. I need to save that up for later. Sorry NC, but you’re on your own here.

NC: Don’t apologize, we must preserve our snark as we get older lest we resort to SRT (Snark Replacement Therapy). And that’s not a line I’m willing to cross!

McSweeney is a teammate of Rashad’s with Greg Jackson, originally from the UK. This whole season kind of becomes an extended advertisement for the Jackson camp.

PB: But my head’s in Mississippi… oh we’re back? Team Gold is sitting on the mat in what my pre-school teacher called an “Indian Circle” (don’t look at me like that, she said it, not me!). Apparently they’re running a bit long since Quinton marches in and shoos them out so his band of misfits can put their time in, and they’re going to need every single second of it.

NC: Thankfully, he’s prepared to handle the situation with his trademark class and aplomb.

PB: “I’m thinking about just pulling my pants down, goin’ over there and just fartin’ right on their heads, just ghetto blast em’”. Congrats Quinton, that actually gave me a good chuckle.

There is some cordial banter back and forth between him and Rashad, which boils down to “get the hell out of here… please”.

Another Tiki sighting! Take a shot.

NC: *glug, glug, glug*

I actually like that everyone this season seems to be in on the joke. They’re always laughing and smiling and having a good time. Manufactured beef or not, I could watch Rampage and Rashad all day.

PB: The next montage focuses on Shivers instead of Kimbo, but there are still shots of him peppered throughout. Shivers was with the NFL for a very brief time before getting cut and eventually moving onto MMA. He’s a big boy who hits hard and… that’s about all he’s got.

Mike Van Arsdale looks like the world’s toughest Telly Savalas impersonator.

NC: Rashad calls TUF the “hardest road to getting to the UFC”. I don’t know about that.

Nice HouseThe struggle is real.

PB: Back at the house, the Silver team talks about the upcoming fight, and Marcus Jones says “You know, James has had over 100 something kickboxing matches…”

Wait one hot sh**ting minute here, what the hell did he just say? Did that include games of Mortal Kombat II at his local arcade? Wiki says his kickboxing record is 2-3 and his current MMA record is an abysmal 14-13, which includes a recent knockout loss to Roger Gracie. I wish I was making that up.

I notice that everyone is wearing the same goofy octagon necklace, as of this writing Amazon has two of them left in stock for $19.99 each. They’re practically giving them away!

NC: I know what someone is getting for Christmas.

Team Rampage’s Wes Shivers (7-1) v. Team Rashad’s James McSweeney (3-4)*

(* Records according to Sherdog, not the records listed on the show)

PB: It’s fight time. Let’s hope this one isn’t as messy as the last one, and I mean that literally as well as metaphorically.

McSweeney shuffles back and forth trying to psyche himself up for the battle ahead, it looks more like he’s about to do one of those “Eat a five pound burrito in 30 minutes or less” challenge videos you see on YouTube.

As James takes his shirt off I laugh at his choice of ink. At first glance it looks like he’s had a piece of barbed wire tattooed around his torso instead of just the typical one around the bicep.

NC: Much like Abe’s head wound last episode, I’m not going to cap this in the name of good taste.

PB: James offers his hand out for the customary glove tap and it’s ignored by Wes. Remember last week Quinton ordered that no one touch gloves from then on.

NC: He just doesn’t want his whole team to get Madsen’d.

PB: Wes looks like a high school senior taking on a 6th grader who hasn’t hit puberty yet.

Being the much bigger and stronger fighter, after some wild punches, Wes gets James in the clinch and eventually gets him to the ground, and then has no idea what to do with him now that he has him there. He just kinda holds him there and isn’t sure what he should do next.

NC: I actually like how Wes started this one. His rush was hard to stop and he used a nice trip to get McSweeney down. Even with McSweeney being the better grappler, it had to be a good sign that the much larger Shivers was on top.

PB: He wants to go for a kimura but apparently doesn’t know that both of his hands are required to pull it off. Ah, he finally remembers that important fact but it’s too late and McSweeney slips out and they’re both back on their feet.

NC: It didn’t help that he hadn’t taken the time to move past half guard either. That’s not going to fly against someone with McSweeney’s training.

PB: What. The. Hell.

We’re less than two minutes into this fight, where most of it has been spent with Shivers in top control, and he’s already out of gas as his hands drop to his side. He’s exhausted and throws a sloppy kick that catches McSweeney in the cup and he goes down.

Right In The McSweeneysMaybe he can make it back to the NFL as a punter.

As the ref calls for a time out and the fighters separate, Quinton yells at Wes “Deep breaths, in through the nose out through the mouth”. If this was a lamaze class it’d be exactly what Shivers needs to hear, but sadly this is a fight he’s in and should be getting something a little more constructive right now.

Shivers turns around to grab the top of the fence and catch his breath, but when the fight restarts I think he’s even more tired than he was before the break.

James offers another glove tap, if only to say “It’s cool bro, accidents happen”, and it gets ignored. Never let it be said that Jackson’s fighters don’t obey every order to the best of their abilities.

NC: As much as I’m against tapping gloves at the beginning and during a fight, the post-groin kick tap is a matter of respect. Then again, it’s entirely possible that Shivers was too tired at this point to raise his hand that high.

PB: I can’t even begin to describe the next 15 seconds of the fight…

Veteran SkillsMcSweeney sure doesn’t look like the veteran of 100+ fights.

Just a hair over two minutes left and James’ tank isn’t proving to be much better than Shivers’, both guys start dropping their hands to their sides. As the seconds tick by, it just gets worse and worse, this is like late round five of a heavyweight fight at high altitude.

NC: I can at least say that McSweeney is getting the better of Shivers in the stand-up as bad as that sounds. Shivers lunges in and looks like he might fall over if the cage wasn’t there to catch him.

Powerful LungeSlick.

I got the first round 10-9 McSweeney on my scorecard.

PB: At the start of round two, they’re sucking so much wind I think my TV is in danger of imploding.

NC: You’re going to think I’m nuts, but Shivers actually had some potential, no? He manages to catch a McSweeney kick (okay, we probably could have caught one of McSweeney’s kicks in this fight) and put him on his back again. There was some talent there. If he’d taken up martial arts when he was younger, maybe he could have had a decent UFC career.

PB: Yes, you’re nuts because that’s a mighty big “IF” there. If he was 10 years younger, if rounds were only one minute long with a five minute break between them, and if he was allowed use of an oxygen mask during that time, then maybe.

NC: Alas, his glaring lack of submission training rears its ugly head once more. His rear naked choke attempt is easily countered and soon they’re back up on their feet. Neither man is looking particularly spry, and that’s being kind.

PB: That RNC was so bad, Ken Shamrock would be shaking his head while muttering “Amateurs”.

NC: Shivers gives us a preview of Slice/Alexander and McSweeney keeps resetting himself as his corner shrieks at him to get in there!

Hunched OverMcSweeney searches for an opening against the cat-like Shivers.

Rashad is actually losing his voice screaming at McSweeney. It is hilarious.

Rashad Screaming“JAMES DON’T WAIT DON’T WAIT!!!”

PB: “Can we just take five, please? Please!? Come on! I’m really tired here and this fighting s**t can really take it out of you!”

“Yeah that’s cool, I could use a breather myself, maybe I should use this time to think about how I really need to quit smoking 5 ½ packs a day.”

“Oh dude, I’m down to just four a day and it’s done WONDERS for me! I can actually walk to and from the fridge without having to pause and hold onto the wall.”

“I have an idea! You throw a real half hearted punch and kick, then I’ll come back with a slightly firmer kick of my own but totally whiff on the punches. Only 60 more seconds of this and then we can both go lay down and beg God to live for a while.”

“Oh man, if I could lift my arms right now, I’d give you such a big hug!”

I really hope those of you reading this will appreciate how much we’re suffering just for your entertainment.

NC: I don’t know what you’re talking about. Prior to the decision, Steve Mazzagatti congratulated both guys and called the fight “awesome”. Another hit to the much maligned official’s credibility.

PB: Mayor McCheesey wins by majority decision, and I’ve now spent 22 minutes of my life watching this fight, which is 22 minutes that I’ll never get back.

NC: When you write it out like that, I really have to question what I’m doing with these recaps and my life in general.

PB: And this is why I drink.

NC: Rashad says Rampage did him a favour with those first two fight picks. With that, Team Rampage completely squandered their side of the opening coin flip. Rashad got the first pick and he won both of Rampage’s fight selections. Yee-ikes.

Rampage DisapprovalThat about sums it up.

PB: Since his team has won two in a row, Rashad takes control over the matchups, and he picks Roy Nelson to take on… drum roll please… Kimbo Slice. Goodie gum drops.

NC: So much for the foreplay, eh?

McSweeney VictoriousNext week, the most watched episode in TUF history!

Vintage TUF – The Ultimate Fighter Season 10: Heavyweights – Week 1

Reliving The Season That Cardio Forgot

Punisher Bass: The year was 2009 and Dana White was adamant that the UFC’s heavyweight division was more exciting than it had ever been before. The PPV monster Brock Lesnar had just unified the heavyweight title by beating Frank Mir at the wildly successful UFC 100 event, knockout artist Shane Carwin would be getting his chance later in the fall, and White was proud to announce that they had signed famed backyard brawler turned MMA fighter Kimbo Slice for the next season of The Ultimate Fighter.

But I was still a neophyte MMA fan at the time. I had been following the sport for less than a year, UFC 100 was the first event I watched live instead of reading a live blog, and I only haunted Cage Potato instead of Bloody Elbow. I knew what TUF was about, but because I hate reality shows I had never watched any of it, so I figured the upcoming 10th season would be a good jumping on point.

I was wrong, I was so so so wrong.

Honestly, the entire season could be best summed up with this simple GIF:

Slice-AlexanderI really could just end this right here and be done with it. It’s not only that Houston Alexander and Slice are sucking wind so bad the first five rows of the audience are in danger of passing out from oxygen deprivation, but take a look at poor Josh Rosenthal, he’s so embarrassed by what he’s seeing he involuntary facepalms. That was TUF 10 in a nutshell.

But that would be taking the easy way out, and I don’t want to take the path of least resistance here, so over the next several weeks I’m going to be rewatching and recapping the season that was TUF 10. But there’s a twist… I won’t be doing it on my own.

I’m going to be teaming up with Bloody Elbow’s unofficial TUF guru NewChallenger for this series. We’ll be working together over the next while because misery loves company.

So I need to go warm up the time circuits and fill Mr. Fusion, that means NewChallenger will take over from here.

NewChallenger: 1.21 GIGAWATTS!!!

How do I follow up that glamorous introduction. I am not worthy. And I’m not just saying that because I never finished the TUF: Brazil 4 recaps.

The truth is that like so many others, I finally succumbed to TUF burnout. Blame it on the contestants, blame Dana White, blame it on the inane and outdated premise of the show…for whatever reason, I could no longer get my blood up when it time to write about the long running reality series.

So when Punisher Bass came to me with the idea of recapping a “classic” season, I was reluctant at first. But I thought about how fun it would be to work on something that’s already finished, alleviating the pressure of hard deadlines (my only weakness) and I started to consider it. Then he suggested recapping TUF 10 aka TUF: The Heavyweights and..

PB: Actually, you were the one who first proposed the idea of working together on something, and that was well over a year ago. I put you off for all that time before this idea came to me, so just remember that you brought this on yourself.

NC: And that’s what really hurts.

I was mentioning TUF burnout and one of the big reasons is that people are tired of seeing the same weight classes. Like clockwork, a season will be announced and you’ll hear “Gawwwwwd, lightweights and welterweights again?!?

Look, the UFC can be held accountable for a lot of things but it’s not their fault that the majority of mixed martial artists’ body types happen to fall into the 145-170 range. Alas, we do not live in a world of super agile mythical beasts and monsters.

PB: There is where I get to humblebrag that I’m actually one of those giants and monsters. In real life I stand 6’6″ and weigh around 300 lbs, in fact there are only two heavyweights on the current roster who are larger than me, Stefan Struve and Travis Browne. I live in a world surrounded by dwarfs and hobbits.

NC: If you’re wondering, in the 29 combined domestic and international editions of TUF, heavyweights have only been featured three times and TUF 10 was the first to feature them exclusively. If you’ve watched any of these seasons, you’ll understand why. Here are some notes on the other two:

  • TUF 2
    • Split cast with welterweights
    • Season 10 coach Rashad Evans would go on to defeat the massive Brad Imes in the finale, then immediately drop back down to light heavyweight
    • No fighters in the heavyweight bracket would have significant heavyweight careers, though Imes once recorded two straight gogoplata finishes, so there’s something
    • Other notables: Keith Jardine (LHW, MW), Seth Petruzelli (LHW)
  • TUF: Brazil 3
    • Split cast with middleweights
    • Antônio Carlos Jr. beat Vitor Miranda in the finale, both would drop to middleweight within a year

So even when the show has featured heavyweights, it hasn’t really featured heavyweights, ya dig? If there’s one thing we can say for sure about TUF 10, it’s that most of these dudes are heavyweights.

PB: During the opening montage, I catch a brief glimpse of my favorite heavyweight ever, Shane Carwin, knocking Gabriel Gonzaga the f**k out. I involuntarily smile while thinking of UFC 116 where he knocked Brock Lesnar out in the first round to unify the HW title. Then I’m saddened when I remember he was eventually forced to retire without ever defending it due to injuries.

NC: Um…

PB: Then Dana White informs me that their heavyweight division has never been more exciting and this new crop of fighters will only make it better. Mmmhmm….

I think you’d be hard pressed to provide evidence that the 2015 roster of heavyweights is any better or worse than the 2009 incarnation.

Mike Rowe says that this season will feature 4 former NFL players, 3 UFC vets, and my UFC avatar Roy Nelson. There’s also going to be none other than Kimbo Slice joining in on the fun. Just for s**ts and giggles, here’s what happened to Kimbo about a year before this episode aired.

Slice-PetruzelliNC: In regards to the coaches, here’s a quick rundown of where their careers were going into the season.

  • Rashad Evans (14-1-1) had just lost the LHW title to Lyoto Machida and fighting Rampage at the end of this season was meant to put him on the fast track to a rematch.
  • Rampage Jackson (30-7) was on a two fight-win streak, having finally avenged a pair of losses by knocking Wanderlei Silva’s soul out and then taking a convincing decision from Rashad’s buddy Jardine.

PB: I don’t know, maybe it’s because I’m the suburbanite white boy from the midwest, but I really wish I could turn on subtitles when Quinton is talking here. I’m having a lot of trouble keeping up with him.

NC: I actually like how this season starts with the two of them talking trash like a couple of old men in the park. It’s a big comedown from the intense intro.

Rashad says that Rampage is “too slow” and that his head is “too big”. Both true. Rampage counters by saying that Rashad “ain’t fought nobody” (except, you know, Tito Ortiz, Chuck Liddell, Forrest Griffin, Machida…)

The LookSonny, back in my day…

PB: He and Rashad trade insults back and forth until the cast starts making their way through the (cardboard) door. And they sure are binguns, I think it’s fair to say that none of these guys will be dropping to light heavyweight when the season is over.

NC: Rampage is blown away by the 6’6” Marcus Jones aka “The Darkness”.

PB: As they file in, we’re shown a few interview clips with a few of them answering questions about their background and why they’re here, that kind of thing.

NC: “Big Country” Nelson is far and away the most experienced and accomplished fighter in the cast. No surprise, he’s one of three contestants still competing in the UFC today. We also hear from two of the NFL players, Marcus and Wes Shivers.

PB: Quinton starts razzing Rashad about his (then) recent loss to Lyoto Machida which also cost him his LHW title. So Rashad counters by reminding Quinton about getting KO’d by Shogun Rua, too bad he didn’t bring up the times Silva left him in a heap in PRIDE.

NC: Even more insulting, Rashad actually accuses Rampage of quitting against Shogun, which results in a game of “you quit”/“I never quit”. It’s safe to assume that this riveting exchange lasted about ten minutes before it was edited down for our sakes.

PB: Dana makes a special introduction for Kimbo Slice, and I swear I can hear him go “ka-ching!”, meanwhile Brendan Schaub says “F**k him. F**k that guy”.

I’m inclined to agree with him here and would probably do the same if I was just basically told “None of you guys are worth half a s**t as much as this guy right here”.

It dawns on me that whatever the hell Slice is wearing on top of his head looks like a giant rubber nipple.

Kimbo's HereRATINGS

NC: I feel compelled to remind people how just how famous Kimbo was when this season aired. He had little more than an illustrious street fighting career, a 3-1 professional MMA record, and an appearance on the Drake & Josh Christmas special under his belt, and he was arguably one of the five most famous fighters in the world!

Sound crazy? When now deceased promotion EliteXC had to pick a headliner for their CBS debut (the first primetime MMA event to air on a major American network), they chose Slice’s match with journeyman James Thompson. An estimated 6.51 million people tuned in to the main event, a record that would stand until the UFC debuted on FOX in 2011.

Dana had been dogging Kimbo for years (more so when he was signed with competing leagues, obviously) and he’s happy to put his money where his mouth is.

PB: “I got Kimbo Slice. Don’t even be thinkin’ about him, he my first pick, he ain’t even gotta train.” Quinton says (I think). Clearly he’s showing his world class coaching ability right out of the gate and putting his years of experience as a fighter to good use.

NC: Say what you want about Rampage, he knows what this show is really about.

PB: Fighter evaluations start. Is it just me, or does Matt Mitrione look a lot like Chris Pratt?

NC: White guy with short hair and a beard? Checks out in my book.

Rashad has got Greg Jackson and Trevor Wittman in his corner, not to mention two Jackson’s MMA fighters on the show in Schaub and James McSweeney. Rampage has Tiki Ghosn and his brutal facial hair.

UghThis man once dated Arianny Celeste.

PB: And we have our first Tiki sighting! Take a shot!

Quinton’s method of evaluation is for the guys to spar and spar hard, which apparently isn’t sitting well with all of the fighters.

NC: Especially when you consider that these guys can all kill each other with one punch. This doesn’t seem like a great idea.

PB: “Roy Nelson got a big ass belly, he was fat”. Keen observation there Quinton.

This is followed up by him yelling “We got titties! We got titties!” in reference to Darrill Schoonover walking by. He then makes kissy faces to the camera and drives this unfunny joke into the ground by repeatedly saying “titties” about 4,000 times.

Very Mature 1“We noticed that one of fighters, he was kind of a fat, pudgy guy, like a heavyweight…and he had some titties.” Very Mature 2“Go ahead and shake them titties. Do a little dance like this with them titties. Be happy you got titties!”

This is going to be a long f**king season…

Jackson says “Kimbo Slice’s standup was really impressive”, I’m not sure if he was being serious or sarcastic. He then describes Kimbo’s ground game as simply “lacking” all while we’re shown footage of him being outgrappled by Meathead. I repeat, he’s being schooled on the ground by Meathead.

NC: We probably won’t be seeing Slice/Mitrione at Metamoris anytime soon.

PB: It’s time for the coin flip, which Rashad wins. He opts to get first pick and he uses to draft…James McSweeney? I swear I burst out in laughter and surprise when I saw this, my memory was of him selecting Roy Nelson first, so this was a shock to me.

NC: Nelson goes ninth overall!!! Unreal.

PB: Jackson makes the 4,001st “titties” joke of the episode and then promptly selects Kimbo as his first pick. If any of his coaches voiced any sort of objection, then we weren’t shown it, and if they didn’t then they should be fucking ashamed of themselves.

NC: Wes Sims makes a big scene when he’s picked and Dana has this wry smile on his face like, “I’m remembering now why I cut this guy in the first place.” Wes jokingly claims that he’s the only man to beat Frank Mir twice (in reality, he was disqualified in their first bout and then KO’d in the rematch).

When it’s down to Zak Jensen, Rampage jokes that he’s picking the camera guy instead. Cold.

Team Rashad (Gold)

  1. James McSweeney
  2. Brendan Schaub
  3. Justin Wren
  4. Jon Madsen
  5. Roy Nelson
  6. Darrill Schoonover
  7. Matt Mitrione
  8. Mike Wessel

Team Rampage (Silver)

  1. Kimbo Slice
  2. Abe Wagner
  3. Demico Rogers
  4. Wes Sims
  5. Scott Junk
  6. Wes Shivers
  7. Marcus Jones
  8. Zak Jensen

In retrospect, you can see that Rashad’s team is leaps and bounds better than Rampage’s team. Almost everyone there would go on to either have multiple UFC fights or capture titles for smaller promotions.

They establish early on that everyone is gunning for Kimbo. This is what the recent iterations have been missing. Not just a famous name like Kimbo, but long term storylines for viewers to get invested in. Every episode these days feels so slapped together.

PB: Team Gold have their training session followed by Team Silver, with Quinton wanting to see what kind of cardio everyone has. “I was pretty impressed with most of ‘em”, either Jackson has very, very low standards or he needs to get his eyes checked.

NC: In the words of Rampage himself, at one point it looks like Marcus might puke his heart out onto the mat.

PB: Quinton decides the first fight of the season will be between Abe Wagner and Jon Madsen. Evans thanks Quinton because he believes Madsen’s wrestling background will provide the perfect path for an easy win.

I noticed that they didn’t show anyone stepping on the scales before the fight. Isn’t that something they normally do on TUF, or are they just figuring none of these guys are going to crack the 265 lb limit?

NC: The parade of flabby bodies didn’t make it past the first focus group testing.

Abe is a director of finance and operations at a large company with a background in mechanical engineering. Presented with this information, Rampage tries to stump him by asking “what’s 10 times 2”, which Abe quickly answers. I’m not sure Rampage would even know if he was right or not.

In the locker room, Rampage tells Abe to stay relaxed, which is promptly followed by Abe puking into a bucket.

Prefight RitualGSP style.

Team Rampage’s Abe Wagner (7-2) v. Team Rashad’s Jon Madsen (3-0)*

(* Records according to Sherdog, not the records listed on the show)

PB: It’s time for the fight. After a quick glove tap, Madsen scores a takedown about 10 seconds in and spends the next three minutes stuck to Wagner like s**t to a blanket.

NC: Gross.

PB: Yeah I have a real way with words, don’t I?

With roughly two minutes left an elbow from above cuts Abe wide open and he starts bleeding like a stuck pig.

La Magra gets a hard-on.

Abe's BloodI’m not a doctor, but…

At 20 seconds left to go the cage is starting to look like the aftermath of the elevator scene in The Shining.

NC: Let’s not forget that round allowed us to get a glimpse of the infamous Rampage corner work. He never stops shouting helpful advice like “let’s go!” and “do what you gotta do”. Tiki one-ups him by asking the referee to “stand ‘em up!” and telling Abe to improve his position without actually offering any tips on how to do that.

Not to be outdone, Rampage reaches deep down for a “You gotta do something, Abe!”

PB: That is a really really big watch Stitch is wearing there.

NC: Well he earned his money in this one.

PB: Quinton just tells Abe he needs to win, that he needs to knock Madsen out. On the other side of the cage Evans tells his fighter he’s doing well and he needs to mix things up to keep Abe off balance.

A pseudo glove tap from Madsen leads right into another takedown just five seconds in and Quinton scolds Abe for trying to be a sportsman. They were both already huffing and puffing before the bell, and it’s only going to get worse from here. After a minute of stalling on the ground, the ref puts them back on their feet.

And another takedown from Madsen, and Quinton just keeps yelling “You gotta finish him Abe! Work to get up! Get up! GET UP!”. Sage advice there Quinton. After another standup and another takedown, we hear him continue to order Abe to simply “Get up”.

With 20 seconds left and yet another standup, Jackson yells that Madsen is just going to do the same thing again, and when he’s right he gets pissed off and storms away. Tiki follows right behind him like a loyal dog.

Thank God this episode is almost over, that fight was terrible. To paraphrase George Carlin, “This was like watching old people f**k, sloppy and slow”. Both fighters are so spent, if you asked them to blow up a balloon they’d probably die.

Shockingly, Madsen gets the UD making it the first victory for Team Gold this season. Rashad praises his guy while others tell him that Quinton walked away he was so pissed off.

Quinton orders his team to never touch gloves again, because I’m sure that’s the only reason Abe got cracked open like a rusty pipe. Speaking of poor Abe, as the doctor is taking care of it, it’s clear that he got fucked the fuck up, a huge gash on his head deep enough to where you can see his skull. Dude got Sanchezed.

Sanchez GashNC: You can actually see the bone and for all of our sakes, I’m going to strategically cap this so as to avoid that image.

TreatmentAbe: “Is this going to hurt?”

Doctor: “Yeah, it’s going to hurt.”

Abe: “A lot?”

Doctor: “Uhh…”

PB: I have to say, hiring Mike Rowe to be their narrator was a brilliant (if predictable) move, his voice makes even the silliest ideas sound legit and exciting.

NC: Rowe is great. Sadly, I think this was one of the last seasons he would do.

And so we come to the end of the first, er, thrilling (?) episode. As snarky as we can be, I actually recall greatly enjoying this season and this first episode was intriguing if nothing else. They got a good mix of personalities, the heat between Rashad and Rampage was ever present without being grating (yet), and KIMBO!

Come on Punisher Bass, let’s turn that frown upside down.

PB: Easier said than done my friend. I forget, did we already know at this point that Quinton was “retiring” to go shoot The A-Team remake, or did that news break part way through the season? I do remember it basically killing all of the heat between them since we knew there wouldn’t actually be a fight at the end. Yeah they did eventually square off, only it was about 6 months too late.

NC: No, the movie was a surprise to DW and let me tell you, he was not happy.

Madsen VictoriousPB: Anyway, next week the “Will Kimbo get attacked by a pack of rabid weasels!?” show will continue.

The Ultimate Fighter: Brazil 4 – Week 11 Recap

Ben Grimm: We’re closing in on the end of our season, and this episode brings us a double Team Shogun showdown. So, on the bright side, at least Team Nog aren’t going to lose any fights this episode. On the downside, we’re going to have to sit through another episode of teammates talking about how much they hespect each other, but hey, it’s just a job, so they’ll get out there and do it anyway. Dare I say it, but after 25+ seasons, could TUF be a touch formulaic?

Team Colours

Team Nogueira
Team Shogun

Alexander K Lee: Ah yes, the always tricky “two fight” episodes. I always think it’s a shame that every season of TUF ends with the least interesting programming. Yes, there was a time when any free televised fight was something to be excited about. But those days are long, long gone. Now, the final episodes are more like a whimper than anything else.

And as you already mentioned, the mutual admiration society that is TUF: Brazil is growing thin, even for my tastes.

BG: Anyway, at the Team Shogun training session, they announce that because they are so damn good at this, you guys, there’s too many of them in the semi-finals to coach individually. The coaches are stepping back from cornering, probably so we don’t get any Kajan Johnson-esque debacles. Nego and Netto BJJ are our first fight this evening. Netto BJJ plans to try and knockout his foe, and apparently, has great power in his hands, and less great grappling.


BG: Clearly, he goes to the Brad Pickett school of nicknames (Fun fact: “One Punch” Pickett has exactly one clean knockout win is his 34 fight career). Nego, on the other hand, is still huge, still very grapple-heavy, and could potentially be our Quadrary Tibau once the season is up.

Both guys manage to make weight easily, despite Nego being a huge lightweight making three hard cuts inside of six weeks (kidneys, we hardly knew ye). Shogun declines to pick a favourite, but Nog mentions he’ll be cheering for Glaico. And very soon, too soon, maybe, IT IS TIME…

Lightweight Bout: Team Shogun’s Nego (12-3) v. Team Shogun’s Netto BJJ (7-0)

AL: Fifteen seconds into the fight, Nego gets the takedown he was looking for. Post-fight, Shogun says that Nego surprised Netto with the takedown, a comment that makes zero sense since all they talked about before the fight was Nego’s wrestling. Nego shows perfect patient, picking his spots so he can land some big shots before improving his position during a scramble. At first, Netto is able to put up a good fight and stop Nego’s submissions, but eventually the bigger Nego overpowers him. A rear naked choke gets Nego the submission win in the first round. He’s going to the finals!

Nego BJJAgain, one of these guys has “BJJ” in their nickname and not the one you’d think based on this screenshot.

Nego Advances​Netto is incredibly gracious after. He insists that Nego is a much harder worker and that Nego deserved to win. Okay, I’m back on the love train. We’ll miss ya, Netto, contradictory nickname and all.

Next up is what I imagine to be the final game of the season, the Coaches’ Challenge! Titled “Dig This”, it is a variation on the construction vehicle challenge from TUF 17 (Jon Jones v. Chael Sonnen).

Dig ThisI’m glad they were able to save money on the challenges this season.

It’s different from the TUF 17 version in that there is less to do with carrying the tires. If I recall correctly, Bones and Chael had the super difficult task of having to stack the tires up to finish their competition; here, it’s more of a straight up race. Alas, no amount of editing could help out Big Nog here as it turns out exactly as you’d expect if you’ve been keeping up with this season.

Tire DropIn case you’re wondering, that is NOT the target area.

BG: Man, that challenge was embarrassing for Nog. They just cannot win anything. On every challenge, they’ve tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

AL: Team Nogueira is officially one of the five worst teams in TUF history.

BG: Anyway, Team Shogun gets the cash, and we head towards the last fight. Matheus “Pretty eyes” Nicolau (NOTE: This is not his actual nickname, but it is an accurate representation of him) is fighting against Dileno Lopes.

AL: Ben, I bet we’ll see fighters stop using the nickname “Pitbull” before “Pretty Eyes” ever catches on.

Bantamweight Bout: Team Shogun’s Dileno Lopes (19-1) v. Team Shogun’s Matheus Nicolau (10-1-1)

BG: Following my prediction last week, I still think Dileno will secure the win, as he’s got a solid experience edge. Of course, in this situation, neither coach picks a winner for this fight, both preferring to stay on the fence. Coach Nog predicts that it’ll be a great fight. Things aren’t going great for Nog. His team isn’t winning, he isn’t winning, and now, he totally, completely picks the wrong outcome for this fight.

To put it simply, Dileno v, Pretty Eyes was not a great fight.

You guys all know what happens when two ground-savvy fighters match up, right?

That’s right. Three rounds of sub-par kickboxing.

So, full disclosure on this. I watched the fight normally the first time around, but when it came to re-watching for the recap, I sped it up to around triple speed. I’m not wasting a full 15 minutes on this fight again. So, I might have missed some details, but the gist of the fight is solid.

The first round begins uneventfully. The circle and feint for what feels like ages, even when it’s sped up there’s still not much happening. The whole round, Dileno stalks forward, and lands a takedown on the bell, so that’s enough for a round for him.

The tables turn slightly in the second round, as Matheus is consistently able to establish himself as the more aggressive fighter there. Well, it’s the same low-volume kickboxing match, but at least for this round, he does a bit more. He’s actually able to drop Dileno with a head kick, but it never does more than momentarily take away his balance. Matheus takes round two, thanks to the knockdown.

So we’re out to a third round, and this one is started with a long, lingering hug between our two fighters.

Hug It OutThe most physicality shown in this fight.

This round actually has some bright spots. Dileno is able to open up multiple times, and score a couple of hits in a row. This is outstanding, as this has been a fight of single shots, so scoring a combination is relatively exciting in this context. Neither fighter shows anything in the way of urgency, and I about halfwaay through the round, I was hoping for some wall and stall, just to mix it up from this woeful low output kickboxing. Well, leg-kicking really, as neither fighter did much more than that. No one really engaged, there was virtually no grappling whatsoever, and I don’t know, I think Dileno won the last round?

AL: I don’t care how Shogun and Big Nog try to sugarcoat it, that fight sucked. This is one time where I’d actually welcome the input of Dana “Always Keepin’ It Real” White. And my guess was as good as yours as far as where that fight went. Dileno ends up taking it and I’m just glad that’s over.  These two fight episodes can be a serious drag, eh?

Dileno AdvancesNext Week: Reginaldo Vieira v. Korea and Açougueiro v. El Tigre! Also, the fighters get to ride the world’s biggest Ferris wheel. And to think we were saying this show wasn’t ending on an exciting note!


The Ultimate Fighter: Brazil 4 – Week 10 Recap

Ben Grimm: Everyone can breathe a sigh of relief. Last week, Team Nog got their first victory in the house. No team has ever been swept in the first round in TUF history (although Wanderlei Silva, Rampage Jackson and Gilbert Melendez came close in TUF: Brazil 1, TUF 10, and TUF 20 respectively), this win did come about due to the two sweetest words in the English language: DE-FAULT.

Team Colours

Team Nogueira
Team Shogun

Anyway, a win is a win, and we’re heading into the last quarter final fight of the season, and I have really mixed feelings about this fight. I’m firmly rooting for the underdog (or is it under-“Nog”?) on principle, as I don’t want to see Nog’s TUF record finishing at the same level as Rampage’s did. However, their last fighter Fernando Bruno “Açougueiro” is fighting the man with far and away the best nickname in this season, and perhaps any season of TUF: JACK GODZILLA. I can’t really cheer against Jack motherf**king Godzilla, can I?

Alexander K Lee: It would be unconstitutional.

BG: Starting back at the house, it seems that Reginaldo Vieira and Adamas are pretty ok with the results of their fight. If anything, punching each other in the face for 10 minutes has made them closer friends than before. They’re actually planning on introducing each other to their families, which is a huge thing for dudebros.

Next up are Jack and Açougueiro having a pretty cool chat about letting it all hang out, and going out and putting on a show. Jack gets a confessional too, and I think this is really the first we’ve seen of him this season. It’s a hugely missed opportunity, as we all have so many questions about Jack. Is he man, myth, or legend?

AL: All of the above?

Look, let’s just say it now. Short of springing off of the cage like Vega and chopping Açougueiro’s head off, there’s no way he’s going to live up to the hype of his nickname. It’s impossible. I’m happy just to see him avoid Açougueiro’s takedowns (a key point according to Shogun) and advance to the next round.

Before we get to the last fight of the first round, we get what should be our last challenge. Remember the “Log Challenge” from TUF Classic? It’s back.

Log ChallengeDéjà vu.

A quick refresher: the teams have to carry a log over to a station where they then must cut the log into four pieces. Those pieces are carried to the next stage where they are joined back together in a different order using special fasteners and screws. The recombined log is brought over to the finish line. This challenge is for lightweights only.

Kick & BreakF**k it!

As if things couldn’t get any worse for young Nikolas Motta on this show, he struggles to work the saw. I get the feeling that he mentally tuned out during the final weeks of filming. It gets so bad that his teammates actually have to cut his section for him. Oh Quejinho, what will we do with you?

Team Nogueira is able to make up some ground, but there is miscommunication and like clockwork, Team Shogun pulls ahead. They get to the finish line with the blue team nowhere in sight.

Red Team RulesThat about sums it up.

El Tigre explains that the key to victory was cutting faster and putting the log back together faster. As opposed to, you know, doing everything slower.

BG: This losing streak is just getting ridiculous. They haven’t even won a single challenge? That’s almost unfair. Also, Nazareno amazes me every challenge week with his ability to just straight-up beast through everything.

AL: The prize (as if Team Shogun needed anymore rewards) is a full massage session for the boys back at the house. Dileno Lopes acts like he’s shy about removing his trousers, as if the cast isn’t regularly in some state of nakedness.

If Jack is able to beat Açougueiro, that will mean that Team Shogun has defeated Team Nogueira in every phase of the opening rounds in which the two teams went head to head. This is history in the making.

The episode has been somewhat boring up to this point, but it looks like we’re saved by the girls coming by to provide some English lessons! Yeeeeessssssssss

This also serves as an advertisement for the Wizard line of educational books, which actually sound kind of cool. The books come with a pen that properly pronounces the words for you when you run the pen over them. Jack jokes that he’s too embarrassed to practice with anyone around him. Sadly, the segment ends way too soon.

English LessonsIf I had a tutor like this, it would most likely distract me from forming complete sentences.

BG: That was the most oddly placed bit of product placement I’ve ever seen. It was even stranger than D-grade Latin American soapie stars rocking up to the TUF: Lat-Am house. Hey, at least we saw the girls again.

AL: Speaking of the girls, we get to meet our last (but not least) Octagon girl hopeful.

BG: This week, we have the lovely Nathalia Ferreira.

She’s, um, she’s Brazilian, and um, very pretty? I dunno, I don’t normally write these segments.

Can you just chuck some pictures here?

AL: I’ll just add that she speaks Portuguese, meaning she is right up there with Elenita Machado on my personal list. Nathalia and Elenita should be the two finalists according to my very specific criteria.

Nathalia FerreiraQualified!

BG: Thanks.


Anyway, it’s fight time.

Lightweight Bout: Team Shogun’s JACK GODZILLA (11-4) v. Team Nogueira’s Açougueiro (15-2)

Both fighters start out pretty tentative, but eventually, Açougueiro bull rushes Jack, and pins him against the cage. He spends the next minute or so alternating between grabbing the fence to keep Jack in place, and landing some nasty shots. Interestingly, the ref speaks Portuguese, and continues to warn Açougueiro about 100 times to not grab the cage. If you’ve gotta warn him so many times, take a f**king point, a**hole.

Jack stays pinned against the cage for about half the round, stalling out as much as he can, until the referee resets the action. Despite being separated, there’s not much more action. Both guys circle, and land a couple of kicks, but it’s not high-octane stuff. They eventually clinch up again, with Jack in control. Açougueiro then proceeds to land, like a hundred knees that are about one inch away from Jack’s groin. The man’s really playing with fire there.

AL: Jack returns fire and for a minute there it looked like they were engaging in a roshambo.

BG: With three seconds to go, Açougueiro manages to ground Jack, but obviously has no time to do anything.

I’ve got Round 1 as 10-9 Açougueiro, more control, damage and aggression.

The second round starts at a higher pace, but ends up with more of the same. Açougueiro is able to eventually ground Jack, and work a tiny bit of G’n’P as the second round draws to a close. Similarly, Jack tries to remain active on bottom, but never is actively threatening with a submission.

I’m making this sound like a terrible fight, it wasn’t, but it was terribly average. Neither man was able to hugely threaten the other in the second round, and it showed.

After two rounds, it seems unlikely to need a third, and the judges agree, unanimously awarding Açougueiro the win, 20-18. Score one, finally for Team Nog.

AL: It’s nice to see the Team Azul locker room get to celebrate for once (Shogun pointed out earlier that even Reginaldo used their locker room before his win). They drench Açougueiro in sports drink which is both touching and disgusting.

On the other side, Jack is devastated. This is what it’s like when a radioactive lizard cries.

Let’s lighten things up by going over to the Octagon Girl finalists. I’m not going to lie, if Jennifer and Diana (the two girls who made kissy face with Korea and Dedé respectively) are the final two, that would be messed up. Reginaldo says that he voted for a Brazilian girl. Keeping it real!

The finalists are Elenita Machado (told ya) and Cindy Laura (speaks Spanish, close enough). Congratulations, girls! Now would probably be a bad time to mention that the previous winners of this contest were never seen again.

Octagon Girl FinalistsSeriously, we cover this show religiously and even we can’t remember who won this contest before.

Back to business, it’s time to announce the semi-finals and it’s laid out like this:


Dileno Lopes v. Matheus Nicolau

Reginaldo Vieira v. Bruno “Korea” Rodrigues


Joaquim “Netto BJJ” Silva v. Glaico “Nego” França

Fernando “Açougueiro” Bruno v. Nazareno “El Tigre” Malegarie

It’s nice to see that Team Nogueira at least got one fighter in each bracket. He could still win the whole thing with just two guys, kind of like how Matt Hughes (ugh) did it back on TUF 6. I got El Tigre winning the lightweight bracket and Korea shocking everyone in the bantamweight bracket. He’s going to take that trophy and Jennifer back to Brazil. What say you, oh Grimm one?

BG:  I have to agree with you for the lightweights, El Tigre is going to run house. He’s a strong wrestler with solid power. That’s game, set, and match for TUF. For the bantamweights, I favour Dileno. I think he’s crafty enough to get the next two wins. I even think Reginaldo makes the finale, being the sole Team Nog representative.

And hey, it’s crunch time now, with two fights an episode for the last two episodes. It’s time to bear witness to the fitness of the modern warrior (RIP TUF song).

Acougueiro VictoriousNext Week: Two, two, TWO semi-final fights! Netto BJJ meets Nego and top pick Matheus Nicolau tries to topple veteran Dileno Lopes. Also, we search for the missing TUF: Brazil Octagon Girl winners.


The Ultimate Fighter: Brazil 4 – Week 9 Recap

Ben Grimm: Yo, I’m back for some more back and forth.

Team Colours

Team Nogueira
Team Shogun

It’s kind of crazy that Soldado being sent home from the competition was the first setback for Team Vermelho. It seems really, really weird that they sent him home here. In TUF: Latin America, Chito was allowed to stick around, and he had a crazy skin infection, and was even allowed to return after being freaking quarantined for a few days. In TUF 11, for example, half the damn cast was walking wounded, and none of them were kicked out. I dunno, it seems odd that they straight-up booted him out.

In addition to this, the way they kick out Soldado is vicious. After he was forced to leave the gym in front of everyone, the guys get back to the house, and all of Soldado’s gear has been cleated away. He’s gone, as if he was never in the tournament. It’s brutal.

Alexander K Lee: We also get what might be the first farewell letter in TUF history.

Soldado LetterDear John…

BG: The guys are all pretty down about losing one of their teammates, almost moved to tears in some cases. It’s pretty harsh stuff.

AL: Netto BJJ and Índio Brabo rightfully give each other props over what was a hard fought battle. The quality of the fights this season has been good overall.

We move on to learning a little more about Reginaldo Vieira, who faces his best friend Adamas this week. He tells the story about how his father was killed by a neighbour in their backyard when Reginaldo was just a kid. And that’s all we get. They gloss over what sounded like an intense incident. Oh well, more time for them to dedicate to Reginaldo and Adamas’ friendship. Seriously, the whole episode they have to remind us how close these two are. Not to be rude, but…get a room, guys.

If you were wondering where all the pranks were this season, they get crammed into one episode. Team Nogueira gets the cute idea to dress up a dummy in Team Shogun colours and leave him out by the pool to represent “Team Pink”. This is foreshadowing for later, when more mischief ensues as a result of Bulldog being a bad, bad boy this week.

Team PinkI ask you this, Ben: What price rollercoaster?

BG: So, we’ve been promised the sight of this roller-coaster ride for about three episodes, by my reckoning. Team Shogun won it as a prize aaaages ago, and now they’re finally going on the trip.

Already, these excursions have been some of the most fun aspects of TUF: Brazil, and this one is off the charts. As Soldado has been unceremoniously booted from the competition, there is only seven fighters going, so there’s another spot. Team Shogun, out of the goodness of their hearts, bring Bulldog along. He’s apparently been keen on going on a roller-coaster since forever.

Team Nog doesn’t take it well. He’s sold out his entire team for a roller-coaster ride. It’s all in good fun so far, but Dedé and Açougueiro strip him of his Team Nog shirt, and there’s a rousing chant of “Bulldog! Bulldog! Butt kisser!” I’m sure it doesn’t translate that well from the original Portuguese.

AL: Dedé points out that it’s even more messed up because Bulldog is the one who actually lost the challenge for his team.

BG: They start the excursion on the Tower of Terror, and of course, Shogun and the girls are there too, so that makes this excursion even better. Bulldog is like, super-psyched, and manages to get more camera time than the rest of Team Shogun combined, talking about how much he enjoyed the whole experience.

Bulldog RideHe regrets nothing.

Holding HandsI just love these two.

RollercoasterNever let them see you sweat, Jack.

Fun NightThe most raucous TUF: Brazil cast since…the last TUF: Brazil cast.

However, pride always comes before a fall. Little does Bulldog know, but his erstwhile teammates are plotting his demise. Bulldog’s sleeping gear is brought out into the main hallway, and he’s excommunicated from the team.

There is no mercy for traitors.

The next morning, Bulldog is allowed to do his penance, and rejoin the team. They set the punishment as follows: each member of the team gets to slap him on the butt with a sandal twice…

Rite Of Forgiveness…then, he gets covered in ice inside the freezer…

Freezer…and finally, stripped nude, and thrown in the pool.

Naked TossIt’s all in good fun, and he’s welcomed back with open arms, but, as Dedé subtly puts it, the next motherf**ker to pull this s**t is absolutely dead.

Bulldog: They each slapped me twice. My butt is on fire.


Jokes aside, serious faces on again. It’s weigh-in time.

AL: And by weigh-in time, you mean ring girl time. This week’s contestant is the aptly named Diana Sparks, last seen making time with Dedé. I don’t know what it is about her, she just seems dangerous to me. She does have an attractive personality though, I can see why Dede went for her. That said, no Portuguese and you know what that means:

Diana SparksDisqualified.

We finally discover that Adamas means “Diamond” in Greek. It also roughly translates as “Man Who Dresses Like The Phantom Of The Opera For No Good Reason.”

PhantomNight time sharpens, heightens each sensation
Darkness stirs and wakes imagination…

Bantamweight Bout: Team Nogueira’s Reginaldo Vieira (12-3) v. Team Nogueira’s Adamas (8-0-1)

They’ve been telling us all episode what great friends these two are and unfortunately, they approach the fight exactly as you’d expect: carefully. There is a sparring vibe to the whole affair and while everything is technically fine, there is a noticeable lack of aggression. I give round 1 to Reginaldo for managing some decent counters and controlling Adamas on the cage.

The second round is a lot more definitive for Reginaldo as he clips Adamas with a sweet counter left.

Adamas Gets DroppedAdamas tries to recover, but Reginaldo is quick to get him to the fence and then lift him for a slam. He manages to repeat this a couple of times and stay in control for the majority of the round. It’s a clear cut round 2 for Reginaldo and I have him taking the fight. The judges agree.

Much is made of Reginaldo deserving this spot in the semifinals. He stayed in shape, ate right, and by all accounts was a great teammate. I still can’t let go of the fact that they didn’t just choose him for this spot in the first place. Ah well, justice was served and Team Azul finally has a fighter advance to the next round.

Reginaldo VictoriousNext Week: Team Nogueira’s Açougueiro v. Team Shogun’s JACK GODZILLA. Also, the TUF Girl finalists are announced!


The Ultimate Fighter: Brazil 4 – Week 8 Recap

This season has been so lopsided and yet still so entertaining. I’ve found that it usually doesn’t matter how competitive a season is, it’s more about how the respective teams handle the situation. The same was true of TUF 20 (Team Pettis v. Team Melendez), which we slyly referenced in our last recap. If anything, it is fascinating to me how a team can dominate in this setting with an unfamiliar training environment and such little preparation for their contests.

In this case, it’s fair to say that Team Nogueira has been in turmoil ever since Anderson Silva had to bow out. The ensuing dysfunction has been too much to overcome and it doesn’t help that The Spider might not have been the best judge of talent. And Shogun’s fight selection has been on point. He has a great feel for putting his guys in the right place at the right time. Like, I didn’t think Korea would be able to handle Pitbull, but that’s why Shogun is Shogun and I’m writing about TUF on my computer.

Team Colours

Team Nogueira
Team Shogun

The pre-show narration offers the sobering reminder that Adamas is the last chance for Team Nogueira to advance a bantamweight to the next round…or at least that’s the case when the episode starts. DUN DUN DUN!

Pitbull apologizes to Korea for not congratulation him after their fight. Another fine showing of etiquette that probably wasn’t necessary considering how chaotic things can be before and after a fight. The positivity is flowing as Soldado addresses the house. “I look around,” he says. “And I don’t see any losers.”

(Of course, that’s an easy sentiment to express when your team has won everything).

Adamas echoes the statement. This cast is really close, even by TUF: Brazil standards.

SelfieI want to live in the TUF: Brazil house someday.

Representing Team Vermelho this week is Netto BJJ. Don’t ask me why he is called that. All they seem to talk about is his knockout power. Netto believes his style can nullify Team Azul adversary Índio Brabo.

Like many who have appeared on TUF, Netto talks about how hard it has been to leave his family to pursue this opportunity. I don’t mean to sound jaded, but I wish they would give us more specifics about their struggle, like maybe some kind of anecdote. Even though it would lead to static, talking head segments, it would also help with differentiating the fighters and their backgrounds.

Índio is from Manaus, the Amazon, hence the nickname that translates to “Mad Indian”.  He got the name for being an absolute animal in practice, something we get a glimpse of in his training montage.

Flip & ThrowThat almost ended horribly.

Okay, I have a stupid question to ask now. Are natives in South America also referred to as Indians? Why would that be? My gratitude to anyone who can help me with this. History and geography are not my strong points. Be gentle.

Indio SignatureÍndio’s “bow and arrow” pose is dope.

The main storyline this week revolves around the accumulating medical issues of Soldado. Not only are his injuries worsening, he has also contracted a bacterial infection. Next week’s fight with Adamas is in serious jeopardy. He returns from his latest trip to the doctor’s office with a new fashion accessory.

Michael JacksonKind of mean.

The doctor prescribes him antibiotics to combat the infection, which wreak havoc on Soldado’s body. He can’t train at all. Back in the locker room, he breaks down into tears. They calm him down and tell him that he needs time alone to think about whether he is truly able to continue. The coaches worry that his “mind-set is gone”.

Soldado confirms the worst: he won’t be ready in time for the fight. Everyone starts bawling (author included). Even Shogun can’t escape the emotional outburst.

Shogun's TearsShogun crying. Something I never wanted to see.

Respect & LoveTeam Vermelho bids farewell to one of its leaders.

Dana White shows up to ask Soldado if he is quitting. After Soldado exits, Dana says that Soldado “couldn’t make it here”. That is harsh. Is it possible that they didn’t inform him of the circumstances of Soldado’s departure?

Things only get more awkward when Dana asks Pitbull if he wants to fight again. Pitbull explains that he’s both hurt and heavy. It sounds like one of his teammates cusses him out (“Leandro, what the f**k?”) and when he eventually agrees to fight it is without any conviction. There is no explanation given as to why Pitbull was chosen over Bulldog or Reginaldo Vieira. Vieira’s exclusion is particularly glaring since he was the only one of the three Nogueira bantamweights to go to a decision and he’s had the longest rest period.

I’m going to give Dana the benefit of the doubt here and say he was the victim of bad editing, because he comes off as a super dick with the way he dismissed Soldado and put Pitbull on the spot. A rare TUF: Brazil segment that left me cold.

Here to raise the temperature (ugh) is Noelle Freeman. She believes she has what it takes to be a UFC octagon girl and, pardon my crudeness, does she ever. Noelle is very much my type and I like her energy…which makes it all the more difficult for me to cut her for being yet another non-Brazilian.

Noelle Freeman*sigh* Disqualified.

Lightweight Bout: Team Shogun’s Netto BJJ (7-0) v. Team Nogueira’s Índio Brabo (16-4)

Team Shogun’s strategy is obvious: Netto needs to stay calm and counter while Índio tires himself out. It leads to a good first frame for Índio, who is more than happy to juke and jive while scoring with leg kicks. When Netto gets impatient, the two end up trading with no conclusive winner. The round ends with Netto pressed against the cage. I lean towards Índio (10-9) for the effort.

Índio is noticeably slower in the second round and that is bad news for Team Azul. We find out later that his nose was broken in the first. Air is at a premium for him and as the round goes on he becomes a stationary target. Netto rocks him.

Big Netto PunchNetto has a heck of a chin himself, absorbing hard shots from Índio who is still winging punches even though he’s hurt. Still, it’s only a matter of time until Netto starts to pull away. He avoids Índio’s sloth-like overhands and connects with anything he wants. With two minutes to go, I’m not sure Índio would be able to get off his stool for a third round. He’s moving with his back to the cage, as if he needs it to stay upright. I’m surprised Big John doesn’t call it off.

Instructions are flying from the perimeter of the cage. Shogun wants Netto to finish Índio with a Muay Thai clinch and the Nogueiras want Índio to get off the fence so he can take Netto down. Both men have taken a lot of punches to the head, so I doubt all the signals are coming in loud and clear.

They need a third round to settle things. I saw Índio as being a dead duck, but he comes out firing and actually lands several times. He’s giving as good as he’s getting. The turning point comes when he goes for one last takedown, expending a lot of energy to drag or lift Netto off of his feet. The end result is Netto still standing and Índio bent over with his hands on his knees.

It’s a great fight, one that goes to Netto for being more precise in the final round. Índio showed incredible heart throughout. The judges make it official and Netto dedicates the win to Soldado. That’s six straight wins for Team Shogun.

The episode ends with both good and bad news for Team Azul. The bad news is that Pitbull is out. There just wasn’t enough time for him to recover from his injuries (again, why was he chosen when they knew he was hurt?). He is replaced by Reginaldo, who should have been the pick in the first place. So I guess everything worked out…?

As for the good news: Reginaldo is facing his teammate Adamas, so Team Nogueira is guaranteed to have at least one fighter in the semi-finals. Default! Default! Default!

Netto BJJ VictoriousNext Week: Team Nogueira’s Adamas v. Team Nogueira’s Reginald Vieira. Also, we get the rollercoaster ride we were promised.


The Ultimate Fighter 21: American Top Team v. Blackzilians – Week 6 Recap

Before we place this season in the pillory, allow me to be the voice of reason: This is still better than TUF 16 and TUF 19.

For those unfamiliar with either season, I’ll summarize. TUF 16 had the unfortunate timing of airing just as the UFC was starting to expand the brand globally and it paled in comparison to the relatively fresh TUF: Brazil and TUF: The Smashes (Australia/UK). The coaching pair didn’t help. Shane Carwin was known for his explosive punching power, not personality, and the normally reliable Roy Nelson seemed more determined to skewer Dana White (and vise-a-versa) than actually do his job.

What followed was a tepid season of forgettable fights and even more forgettable personalities…except for Julian “Nitrane” Lane who came off as a parody of every TUF malcontent that appeared before him. Let me bang, bro, indeed.

The finalists were Mike Ricci and Colton Smith. Smith would defeat Ricci in a snoozer of a finale and then lose his next three fights en route to being released. That has never happened to a TUF winner before. Ricci split two fights before washing out.

TUF 19 is only two years old, so it might be unfair to judge the resulting talent but I’m going to do it anyway. The show itself was an ordeal despite the coaching presence of two of my favourite all-time fighters, Frankie Edgar and BJ Penn. I don’t know what went wrong with the casting, but they somehow gathered the least interesting and least competitive crew imaginable.

It was a dual division season, and both the middleweight and light heavyweight finals ended in surprisingly quick fashion. It was the most passion any fighter had shown all season, and certainly more than the third battle between Edgar and Penn, which was more of a mercy killing of The Prodigy than anything else. Overall, an utterly depressing entry in the franchise.

The current season seems to have the same casting problem as TUF 16, so I can’t blame the show runners too much for that. Once they were saddled with the “camp wars” premise, it severely narrowed down their options no matter how much input they were allowed to give Dan Lambert and Glenn Robinson. That said, the genuine brotherhood aspect is at least interesting compared to the forced camaraderie of past seasons.

Another thing saving TUF 21 from historical ignominy is the new format, which I still stand by. It will be cool when a fighter has to perform a second time on the show. We’ve seen fighters come back before, but as replacements. If a guy can emerge as the ace of his team, it would make him a hot prospect heading into his UFC career. And isn’t that the best possible outcome for any TUF hopeful?

Team Colours

American Top Team
Blackzilians (actually black on the show)

That rant went longer than expected. Let’s join the American Top Team crew, fresh off their first win of the season. It’s a big one since it not only gets them on the scoreboard, but it means the next fight will be at the ATT gym. Hayder Hassan points out that he’s now 3-0 in his career against Blackzilian fighters.

Andrews Nakahara is down on himself. There isn’t much his teammates or coaches can do to console him at the moment. For the first time I notice that Andrews sounds like Grey Worm from Game of Thrones.

Sad AndrewsI am ashamed…because when the punch land and I fall to the ground…I am afraid. I fear I never again see Missandei from the island of Naath.

It becomes obvious early in the episode that the Blackzilians are going to go with Jason Jackson. He thinks the situation in the house has become too friendly and that has affected the team’s hunger. Rashad Evans gives the team a speech about always being ready to take that call from the UFC, which fits Jason to a tee. Glenn loves that Jason is actually enthusiastic about going into enemy territory.

Jason says his nickname is “The Ass Kicking Machine”. He’s from Jamaica, presumably “right near the beach” and he fights so that his son can have a better life. Obligatory link.

ATT’s two top choices for the week are Grilo and Nathan Coy. It feels like they’ve been teasing deploying Nate forever. Keep waiting. It’s the veteran Grilo this week. He’s from Porto Alegre, Brazil and he’s been with ATT for five years.

Grilo Makes WeightSabah: (laughing) “Once he got up on there and made weight he just f**king turned into the beast that he is.”

Michael Graves jokes about Grilo’s unorthodox approach to cardio and we get a demonstration from the man himself. There are some valid points made by Grilo about how your breathing will change during the fight depending on where the action goes. He practices doing short, rapid breaths and then deep ones and I can’t help but be reminded of Peter Griffin clutching his shin.

During a video review session, ATT break down Jason’s tendencies. Luckily, they have Hayder who defeated Jason last year. He has specific instructions for Grilo as far as how to counter Jason and potentially knock him out. Dan is already looking ahead to Grilo fighting again in the 100 point round. Then he sees a bunch of chicken eggs and starts counting them well before they’ve hatched.

For the first time this season, we are in the ATT gym for the fight. It’s good to see that Steve Montgomery is well and that the home team is making the most of the environment.

Drum CircleParty up!

American Top Team’s Grilo (16-7-1) v. Team Blackzilians’ Jason Jackson (4-2)

Tentative start for both men. Grilo’s jab is looking good early on, though he takes one back from Jason that knocks his mouthpiece out. Believe it or not, this might have been the turning point of the fight. Dana would later say that believes that shot scrambled Grilo’s brain and judging by the rest of the fight, it’s hard to argue that.

I give Grilo the first round (10-9) based on a couple of semi-successful takedowns and the pressure he was able to put on Jason. It wasn’t a dominant performance by any means. Most troubling was Grilo’s lack of response when his corner called out for him to throw his right hook more.

In the second round, it is Jason with all of the movement. He pecks away at Grilo, whose output has become non-existent.

“Put your hands up and fight!” Dan yells at him.

Both guys smile and laugh as the second round comes to a close. I know one person who isn’t smiling: Dana. This fight was a stinker.

It’s a clear cut 10-9 round for Jason. The scorecards haven’t been read yet and ATT are already acting as if Grilo lost. They’re right. One judge scores it a draw as I did, but the other two see the fight for Jason. Grilo just didn’t do enough of anything to win this fight.

Glenn feels the need to obnoxiously cram his face into the camera and say “That’s the way we f**king do it!”

Up Close & PersonalEnjoy, readers.

The ATT staff are confused and frustrated with Grilo’s flat performance. He’s 36 years old and this could be his last real shot at making it to the UFC. Grilo says he wants to fight again on the show. Dan looks unconvinced.

Well, that’s it for this…wait, what the hell? They suddenly tell us that the coaches now have the option to cut up to two guys from their team and bring in two new guys. Was this mentioned before? It sounds to me like the season hasn’t been as competitive as they would have liked and they threw this out there to even things up. I hate when shows do that.

Jason VictoriousThe score: Blackzilians lead 150-50 (5-1)

Next Week: Seriously, what?

The Ultimate Fighter: Brazil 4 – Week 7 Recap

Ben Grimm: It’s not looking great for Team Anderson/Nog, is it? They could end up getting Melendez’d.

Alexander K Lee: Ben, you never go full Melendez.

Team Colours

Team Nogueira
Team Shogun

BG: The show begins this week with a bit of a recap for last episodes fight, and also gives us a glimpse of the completely bonkers challenge that happens later in the show. It’s too good to ignore, so I’m going to give you a small glimpse too.

Suspended Cable ChallengeThere you go.

Looks pretty crazy, huh? Trust me, it was awesome.


One thing this season has shown us a few times is the competing fighters chatting in the house after they’ve recovered. It’s pretty cool, and it kind serves as a great contrast to the faux-douchiness present in some other seasons of TUF. Nikolas Motta even compliments the double-leg that Glaico França essentially used to win the entire fight with. It’s humbling stuff.

AL: I think it made Nikolas feel better that Glaico was selling the effects of the fight too.

Double Ice BagsBarely felt it.

BG: We’re only about 5 minutes into the episode, and we’re already getting a run-down on who each of these guys are. This week, Korea, our lucky lad who has snared the heart of Jennifer Giacotto, is fighting Leandro Higo, who goes by the totally unique MMA nickname of Pitbull.

According to Sherdog, Leandro trains out with the Friere brothers, which means that there’s a minimum of three people in this one fight team with the nickname of Pitbull. The first thing highlighted is that there’s a huge experience differential. Korea has only four fights, whereas Leandro (not Pitbull, never Pitbull) is 13-2 in his pro career.

Turns out that Leandro has been training with Team Nog for the last three years (Sherdog strikes again!), and the Nogs are pretty high on his talents. Leandro was even offered a spot in the UFC, but turned it down to go on TUF. It might seem like an odd choice, but at least instead of being “random guy on Brazilian undercard”, he’ll at least be “random guy on Brazilian undercard that was on TV a few times”.

(Editorial note: It was at this point that Ben was unable to continue our correspondence due to the demands of real life, so it will just be Alex from here on out. Do not be alarmed.)

AL: I think that also speaks to the popularity of TUF: Brazil in their native country. It’s not the punchline that it has become over in North America.

The vibe in the house is all Team Shogun, and understandably so. El Tigre says they are thriving on the other team’s hatred and even Team Azul’s Índio Brabo is happy for Nego since they train together outside of the show. They have to find a way to turn this around and PITBULL sounds like just the man to do it. I mentioned last week how serious he looks and his story reflects that. He moved to Natal from Mossoro, which causes him to miss time with his wife and child.

Big Nog praises Pitbull and Adamas for their athleticism. He also believes that they’ve seen most of what Korea has to offer. Pitbull is the favourite going into the fight due to his experience and more well rounded game.

As for Korea, his father left him when he was nine and his mother had to raise him and his two siblings. That included his sister who passed away from a kidney disease. Korea has a daughter of his own. It sounds like there has always been a strong female influence in his life. You can see why Jennifer is into him.


Despite their dominance, not everything turns up aces for Team Vermelho. Pitbull stiffens up during training. You know something is wrong when he refuses headgear and just paces around the cage in a daze. He looks awful. The coaches give him something small to eat to restore his energy. He’s been going non-stop since the show started, which isn’t conducive to the TUF schedule.

Also ailing is Soldado, who has a hurt foot and a busted up shoulder. The diagnosis is negative as far as broken bones go. He’s got some aches and pains and strains, but he’s good to fight.

Soldado & DoctorOne of these guys is thrilled to be on television.

Unsurprisingly, Shogun wants to focus on Korea’s taekwondo. I still remember when I first started watching mixed martial arts, everyone telling me that taekwondo was useless but there are so many fighters who have a background in it even if it isn’t a major part of their arsenal.

We also get to see Korea’s highlight reel kick from the elimination round again from a few different angles. I’m not complaining. That was right up there with Vitor Belfort on Luke Rockhold and Uriah Hall on Adam Cella.

TKDKOA reminder.

And now, onto the Suspended Cable Challenge.

A lightweight will be suspended in a harness above a pool, and a bantamweight will use his jiu-jitsu grappling to hold on to his teammate for dear life. After five minutes, water guns are handed to the fighters at poolside so they can spray the opposing team. After 20 minutes, the lightweights can’t hold on to the bantamweights. After 30 minutes, the bantamweights can only hang on with their arms. The winners get go to the Stratosphere hotel for a rollercoaster ride.

Team Nogueira goes with Bulldog (the smallest guy in the house) and Açougueiro. Team Shogun picks Matheus Nicolau and Nego. Then all the ring girls take their tops off.

GratuitousJust making sure you’re still paying attention.

I’m disappointed that we don’t get to see much canoodling between Korea and Jenny. They’re Brazil’s/America’s/Canada’s/Australia’s sweethearts!

Fast forward to the end of the challenge, Bulldog drops and that’s another win for Team Shogun! There was some controversy with Matheus not releasing his legs right away at the 30 minute mark, but the result stands. Cue up the latest Team Shogun smash hit: “We’re winning everything!”

They say that Pitbull is having a hard weight cut compared to someone like Dedé who, um, has more obvious fat to get rid of. Thankfully, Pitbull does make it and he promptly starts crying his eyes out. TUF: Brazil! The warm fuzzies are short-lived as they soon show us what this week’s competitors think of each other.

Pitbull: I’m facing Korea and I do not like him. He thinks too highly of himself and he’s a snob. That’s the way he is.

Korea: Leandro and I have no friendship whatsoever. We hardly exchange words in the house.

Lip To LipI mean, were talking Vin Diesel/Rock close here.

Your ring girl for the week is Isabel Amado, a Columbian business manager and actress. She is an absolute stunner…however, this is TUF: Brazil, not TUF: Latin America.

Isabela AmadoDisqualified. Say “hi” to El Profe and Rolo for me.

Bantamweight Bout: Team Nogueira’s Leandro Higo (13-2) v. Team Shogun’s Korea (4-0)

The TKD is out early as Korea cracks Pitbull with a nice spin kick to the body followed by a straight right. Seconds later, he gets a body lock and transitions beautifully into a takedown. He follows with ground and pound. The first minute is all Korea.

The action does not slow down on the ground. It is non-stop with Pitbull on the attack, forcing Korea to escape from both a choke attempt and a mount position.

Back on the feet, Korea is able to stop Pitbull from slamming him, but Pitbull is glued to his back.

A badly timed knee by Pitbull catches some of Korea, but the Team Azul fighter slips and ends up on his back where Korea tags him with more G n P. Pitbull looks completely exhausted and Korea is able to pretty much use him as an apparatus before finishing with a choke. It seems that the weight cut just destroyed Pitbull’s stamina. Great action while it lasted though!

Korea Choke Team Shogun huddles up after yet another win and we get an emotional speech:

Korea: I’d like to thank everyone. You’re all special to me. Before I got here, people told me not to make friends here. But they were wrong. I’ll never forget any of you. You are part of my history. Thanks for everything. God bless you and your family.

It is getting so, so dusty in here.

Korea VictoriousNext Week: Team Shogun’s Netto BJJ v. Team Nogueira’s Índio Brabo. Also, the Nogueiras go three-fourths Melendez.


The Ultimate Fighter 21: American Top Team v. Blackzilians – Week 5 Recap

*First off, my apologies for the lateness of this recap. I can’t promise things will get better from here on out as I’m currently in school, but just know that no matter what I am going to get around to covering every episode this season eventually. They can’t get rid of me.

As for our TUF: Brazil recaps, The_Vortex appears to have actually fallen into a vortex. While that is darkly hilarious in its own right, until I’m able to extract him, that project is on hiatus. It will be back soon!

Team Colours

American Top Team
Blackzilians (actually black on the show)

Rumble Johnson appearance! There’s a nice tie in to the title fight he had this past Saturday. He visits the house to congratulate Carrington Banks and joke around with Kamaru Usman. Rumble and Carrington make fun of the size of Kamaru’s head like he’s Tyrese in the Fast & Furious movies.

Johnson Playing AroundAnthony “Snuggle” Johnson.

The highlights of last week’s fight show that Carrington landed a lot of solid strikes on Sabah Homasi, justifying the judges’ decision on what was a back and forth battle. That doesn’t stop Sabah from continuing to complain. He says the fight was both “close” and a “robbery”. That is one of my biggest pet peeves in mixed martial arts.

A close fight usually means a fight could have gone either way; a robbery is a fight where one competitor loses despite being the clear winner to the majority of the viewing audience. They are mutually exclusive!

I still hate how Dan Lambert acts like it isn’t a big deal that his team lost the first four fights. I don’t care if they’re exhibitions that don’t end up on their record, these are losses that these guys have to live with for the rest of their careers. It’s not about the stupid points!

After a brief ATT deliberation, they decide that it’s time to unleash Hayder Hassan. He’s never been to a decision, he only knows one speed, and he’s got ferocious knockout power. Hayder means “brave” in Arabic, and he says he’s descended from the “baddest warriors”. He stops short of describing his fighting skill as “radical”.

Hayder: The winner is going to be two people: myself and the fans who get to experience the show.

Either Hayder’s math is off by a few hundred thousand or I truly am the only person left watching this season.

The Blackzilians are deciding between Andrews Nakahara and Felipe Portela. They decide to go with Andrews because they worry that they’ve been holding him back. He was brought to the camp by none other than Vitor Belfort, who anointed him as a future champ.

Andrews hails from Mogi das Cruzes, São Paulo, Brazil. He describes himself as a simple guy who just happens to be a Kyokushin karate world champion. We get to see him training on the beach and, look, I’m comfortable saying this: dude is fit.

Nakahara MusclesThere is a minor dust up at the house when Hayder confronts Jason Jackson for spreading rumours that Hayder is a dirty fighter. These two fought before the show, with Hayder winning via TKO. Jason says that Hayder pulled his hair. It should also be noted that Jason sounds a lot like Obie Trice (real name, no gimmicks).

(By the way, one more thing I hate about this season: the shortened preview of what is to come after the next commercial break. Completely pointless.)

Jason tells Hayder not to come at him like he’s a bitch. I’ll say this for Jason, at least he knows he’s on a television show. Hayder looks lost for words. Maybe he didn’t get his copy of the script. This better be leading to a rematch down the road, otherwise this has been a waste of time.

The ATT guys gather around the campfire trying to figure out who the Blackzilians are picking. This would be a lot more interesting if the viewers didn’t already know. Can you say “filler material”?

Survival SkillsSteve Carl: “Alright, psycho. What the f**k are you trying to do?”

Michael Graves, everyone’s favourite slob, is sleeping in on training day. They tell us he’s been up all night drinking instead of, you know, showing us. It’s a good thing that television isn’t a visual medium.

ATT are highly critical of how Michael’s fight has affected his mood. Look, I’m not a doctor, but is there a chance that he has, you know, a concussion? Maybe ganging up on him and letting him stay home alone isn’t the best way to deal with this situation.

Predictably, the Blackzilians are all smiles on the way to training, even finding time for an impromptu massage session.

Buscape MassageHey! What do you think this is? TUF: Brazil?

Dana White pops up on screen to yell at us about the Michael situation and repeats pretty much everything we’ve already seen and heard. I’m losing my patience again. This is the last time I’ll mention it this season unless he says something particularly significant: I am so, so tired of Dana White popping up and shouting at random moments. Was he always doing this on other seasons and I just never noticed?

He does relay one good line from Rashad Evans about how they’re going to have to start charging ATT for coming to their gym so much.

Speaking of things I am through writing about, I have no idea who thought it was necessary for Dan and Glenn Robinson to stand behind their fighters for every faceoff. Please stop.

Neither Hayder or Andrews have anything interesting to say leading up to the fight. At one point, Hayder goes “Mentally bro, I can’t be broken, bro.” Impressive sentence structure there.

Andrews says his strategy is “just to win the fight.” So that’s what ATT has been doing wrong.

It falls on ATT assistant coach Din Thomas to provide some good sound bites. He tells Hayder to “explore everything” when striking and to “have fun doing destruction”. Now that I think about it, Din would have made for a far more interesting representative of the gym than Dan. And the Blackzilians could have used Tyrone Spong instead of Glenn. He told his guys to steal the other team’s souls earlier in the episode! Another missed opportunity.

On the day of the fifth fight, I’m nearly certain I spot TUF: Latin America vet Bentley Syler aka Dr. Bolivia in the background.

Bolivia CameoDon’t try to hide from us, Bentley.

American Top Team’s Hayder Hassan (6-1) v. Team Blackzilians’ Andrews Nakahara (4-2)

Hayder sticks to the game plan, closing distance right away. The kicks of Andrews aren’t enough to back him up and you can see Hayder loading up his right hand the whole time. He lands it on the side of Andrews’ face, then follows with a left hook right on the button. The Blackzilian crumbles. Several furious punches later, we get an official stoppage.

Hayder FinishesI might not love the guy’s personality, but he backed up every word he said. A star making debut for Hayder.

Glenn’s post-fight reaction goes a long way towards endearing him to me. He is disturbed not just by his team’s first loss, but by what it meant for Andrews. That is definitely different from how the show portrays Dan, who has been shrugging off losses even as they pile up for his team and his fighters. I appreciate Dan’s honesty, but you need to find room for sympathy as well. Damn, I think I might be rooting more for Glenn after this one.

Regardless, congratulations to Hayder on getting the first finish of the season and in impressive fashion to boot.

Hayder VictoriousThe score: Blackzilians lead 100-50

Next Week: It will be nice to see what the American Top Team gym looks like.

The Ultimate Fighter 21: American Top Team v. Blackzilians – Week 4 Recap

As you can tell by the extraordinary lateness of this posting, this week was a struggle. I’m enjoying a lovely Victoria Day weekend here in Canada and the last thing I wanted to do was spend 40-some minutes with the jokers on TUF 21. But duty calls. Or I have some sort of disorder. Either way, let’s take a look at week four.

Team Colours

American Top Team
Blackzilians (actually black on the show)

American Top Team is understandably reeling from Steve Carl’s loss. He was one of their veterans, a sure bet to steady the ship. Instead, he sunk like a stone. Dan Lambert asks him what happened and Carl says it was all mental. I’m inclined to agree. This guy submitted Josh Burkman!

Steve Montgomery aka Creepy Steve is convinced that he’s the one to turn this around, saying “It’s always the creepy motherf**kers that sneak up on you. I promise.” Yeeuch.

Conveniently enough, Creepy Steve is ATT’s choice to close out the first round of 25 point fights. Also in consideration were Sabah Homasi and Hayder Hassan, but Hayder is still dealing with a hand injury. Ideally, he would have been matched up with one of the Blackzilian strikers (a couple of whom he’s defeated in the past). We’ll have to wait at least another week to see the vocal Top Teamer make his nationally televised debut.

Creepy Steve (whose official nickname is “The Creepy Weasel”) describes himself as having “the mind of a hippie” and “the heart of a fighter”. He’s an old fashioned South Carolina gentleman. So good nickname choice.

ATT CutHe also has ATT shaved into the side of his hair. You make your own judgments.

Glenn Robinson visits the house to ask his crew who they think ATT is planning to pick. Jorge Santiago says Nathan Coy looks skinny and proposes a match with Carrington Banks. The experience difference concerns Glenn, as well as the fact that Nathan’s technical skill might be too much for Carrington. Jorge and the others stick with their gut and Glenn relents.

The Blackzilians bring Carrington, Andrews Nakahara, and Jason Jackson into the bedroom to deliver the news. I’m going to assume this was a longer, more involved deliberation before editing, but that way it is shown it’s almost like they’re all waiting to get a Bachelor rose.

Blackzilian TrioWell this wasn’t a complete waste of time.

Carrington is from Peoria, Illinois, raised in Georgia and wrestled in Iowa. He’s a lifelong wrestler as a matter of fact. His brief montage portrays him as a “chill dude”, which is better than being creepy in my books.

Speaking of Creepy Steve, we get our first taste of genuine in-house drama when panicked cries for help send the cast into high alert. Creepy Steve is having a seizure! Hayder sticks his fingers in Creepy Steve’s mouth to keep him from biting his tongue off. I’m nearly certain that’s not how you’re supposed to handle that.

SeizureFor f**k’s sake, guys.

The house is completely in shock, but the show doesn’t dwell on the scene. This was a good opportunity to delve deeper into the fighters’ relationships as well as show the sympathetic side of the Blackzilians as I’m sure they were as concerned as the ATT crew. Instead, we get a brief comment from Hayder about how helpless he felt, some shots of Creepy Steve being carted off, and that’s the end of it. I’m not advocating milking a serious health related situation, but this is television! You’ve got to give us more than that.

With their first choice out of commission, ATT now has to choose between Nate and Sabah. They like how Sabah potentially matches up with either Carrington or Jason and he’s been eager to fight since the start of the show. He gets the green light.

Sabah is a male entertainer.

Pause for snark.

He makes sure to emphasize that it’s for women, which seems unnecessary. A man has got to eat, brah. You do you. If that disclaimer weren’t cringe worthy enough, he goes on to make an incredibly awkward comparison between dancing in front of a roomful of ladies to fighting inside of a cage. Did I mention that this is the same guy who was combing his beard during a testimonial last week?

Sabah says if you want to see him in an exciting fight, match him with a striker. If you match him with a wrestler, he’s pretty much screwed. At the weigh-ins, Dan says he suspected that ATT would pick Carrington. If that’s the case, why would they go with Sabah? It’s a good thing Carrington isn’t a former junior college wrestling champion or anything…oh wait…

We see Creepy Steve return to the house and thankfully he’s alright. He mishandled the weight cut, drinking too much water without balancing his electrolytes and that deluded all the sodium in his body. Yikes! There’s an educational moment for all you kids out there. Fortunately, there is no brain damage; unfortunately, Creepy Steve has to leave the house as a precaution since taking any blows to the head in the near future is probably a bad idea under these circumstances.

In the build up to the fight, there is just no variation from episode to episode as far as these training segments go: Montage of various techniques and drills, basic breakdown of how the fight could go, testimonial from a respected UFC teammate, the occasional butt slap…wash, rinse, repeat.

It’s a sad state of affairs when the most interesting part of each episode is making observations about the crowd on fight day. For example…

Sideshow CarlI can’t get over how ridiculous Carl looks with his hair loose.

…and then there’s a cameo by a TUF: Brazil champ…

Cara De Sapato CameoWhat’s up, Shoe Face?

American Top Team’s Sabah Homasi (8-4) v. Team Blackzilians’ Carrington Banks (3-0)

It occurs to me now that they’re showing the referee’s instructions to create some kind of big event atmosphere. It’s not working.

Carrington scores first blood, connecting with a right as Sabah lunges in. He goes to his bread and butter as Sabah had predicted. The former Iowa Central wrestler presses Sabah against the fence and drags him down, but he’s never on top for more than a few seconds. Sabah has great balance, but Carrington keeps at it. There is definitely a size difference between these two, which explains why Carrington’s grappling isn’t as effective as it could be. He’s a future lightweight.

There are some good strikes landed by Sabah, but based on the judging on the show so far I think the first round is a 10-9 for Carrington. The second is more of the same, though Sabah finds a rhythm, at least in the early going. It is difficult to tell who has the advantage. For the most part, they are trading evenly on every exchange. Sabah gets bonus marks for his leg and body kicks though.

Both guys look tired and we see some sloppiness.

High Kick MissJuuuust a bit outside.

Is there an unwritten rule that you’re not supposed to laugh when a fighter whiffs on a high risk move like that? Not that you’d be able to hear it, but I rarely see the other fighter or even the crowd react much when someone spills like that.

Carrington matches Sabah’s awkward kick with one of his own that results in Sabah getting hold of a front face lock. It isn’t much, but it should be enough to send this to a third round, and I’m not just saying that because I know how much time is left in the episode.

Maybe Carrington has been spending too much time with Rashad Evans. He gets casual with his stance, dropping his hands and bouncing around like a pogo stick. When he finally goes back to his wrestling it leads to another takedown. No control again, but it could be the difference in what is a difficult fight to call. I’m leaning towards Carrington because there wasn’t enough to distinguish between the two in the stand-up.

The judges score another fight for the Blackzilians. Sabah and his corner are shocked and I’m not sure why.

Sabah StunnedWhaaaaaaa?!?

That was a solid fight, the best one of the season so far. All the credit in the world to Sabah and Carrington. These two went after it!

The real shock is that Dana White disagrees. He says neither guy went in for the kill and that Sabah didn’t show what he could do. I’m not entirely sure what Dana was looking for here. It wasn’t the most exciting fight ever, but as far as I could tell both guys “left it all in the cage”, as he is so fond of saying. I’ve been picky all season and even I think this was a good one.

Dan gives his honest assessment that he had no idea how the third round would be scored. I’m reminded how much I appreciate his candor. Unlike the previous ATT performances though, he has no reason to be disappointed in Sabah. It just didn’t go his way this time.

Dan: Sit here and bitch about it for the next five minutes but then we need to start thinking about the next one. ‘Cause they’re worth 50 points apiece starting on Tuesday.

See? I said some nice things about TUF 21. We can all get along.

Carrington VictoriousThe score: Blackzilians lead 100-0.

Next Week: Montage, breakdown, testimonial, butt slaps.