Vintage TUF – The Ultimate Fighter Season 10: Heavyweights – Week 10 – Let Go Of The Fence, Schaub!

Reliving The Season That Cardio Forgot

Week 10

PunisherBass: Someone call GNC and ask if Sean Sherk is still there, because I think Jon Madsen just robbed him blind. He’s carrying a sack filled to the brim with tubs and tubs of protein power and power bars and other crap like that. Someone is going to have a real bad case of the creatine s**ts later on.

NewChallenger: Coach Rashad is, as always, Mr. Positive. He comes off as such a swell guy on the show. I know that’s not a sexy opinion, but I remember liking Rashad even more after watching this season.

Of course, this was during the period where he got booed at every UFC event when they showed him on camera. Do you remember why that is, PunisherBass? I always assumed it was some combination of him coming off as super cocky when he was a contestant on TUF 2, and having knocked out fan favourites like Chuck Liddell and Forrest Griffin. Your thoughts?

PB: I wish I could tell you why, but I honestly have no idea, remember that I was still a newbie back then. The first PPV I watched live was UFC 100. So I have no real frame of reference as to why people might have hated him. I do remember seeing a GIF of him kissing his hand before giving his cup a shake and then punching Griffin, but that’s about it.

This season made me a fan of his, which I still am to this day, and it’s not just because he’ll gleefully make fun of Tiki right to his face. Partly it’s because he always talks clearly and enunciates everything that comes out of his mouth, compared to Quinton who mumbles almost all the time. It’s hard to like a guy when you can’t understand 80% of what he says.

NC: And the other 20% you wish you didn’t understand.

The interrogation of Matt Mitrione continues. He says he’s still feeling slow, but that he thinks it’s not a concussion it’s just his brain swelling up. Trevor Wittman points out that that is a way bigger problem than a concussion and if that’s the case he’s definitely not fighting. For anyone wondering, Mitrione is not a doctor.

James McSweeney is all but begging for Mitrione to drop out so he can get what he knows would be a massive fight with Kimbo that he would probably win. Imagine what that would have done for his reputation. James calls Mitrione a “two-faced little bitch without a heart”. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone get picked on so much for getting punched in the head.

PB: Nope, I said it last week and I meant it, I’m done with this whole Meathead’s phantom injury bulls**t. Moving on.

First Kimbo Kard of the episode, with Quinton saying that he thinks Slice can win it. I wonder whose idea it was to make him the first replacement, there’s no way you’re going to convince me that it was done based on anything more than his popularity, not his skills as a fighter. This is the UFC just trying to string us along and salvage what happened in Week 3.

For all his “Yes! Thank god! I get to bang again! Someone got hurt that means I’m back in! I’m continuing to fail upwards!” (I’m paraphrasing), now that they’re hinting it might come true, he says his knee is hurting him and he’s not too sure about it.

Oh for f**k sake Kimbo, don’t let Tiki touch you, you might catch something. Bleh, I wouldn’t touch Tiki even if it was just to punch him in the dick.

Tiki GlanceTiki is either dozing off here or checking out Kimbo’s package.

Team Silver are operating under the assumption that Slice will be fighting McSweeney, so they’re focusing on him scoring the knockout…because he has so many other tools at his disposal.

NC: It’s messed up that they literally spend the first ten minutes of this episode as if it’s a done deal that James will be fighting Kimbo.

PB: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but during this time period, Kimbo was actually sporting a better W/L record than James was. It’s faint praise considering who they were facing but at least he had won more fights than he lost.

Oh this is just precious, Quinton tells Kimbo that James is going to go right for his knees with kicks, which makes him ask “So what the f**k do I do?” Rather than tell him he needs to learn or maybe even show him how to check kicks, he just says that he needs to wrestle him to the ground and pound him out. Is it any wonder how he’s 1-7 as a coach this season?

Rampage ActingThis is better acting than we saw in…ah, you know the joke.

NC: Come on Pun, it’s not like Quinton’s lack of leg kick defence ever cost him in his career, right?

Oh wait.

All the editing in the world can’t make it look like Team Rampage isn’t scared that McSweeney will just totally destroy Kimbo. When you’re suggesting that Kimbo Slice try to get a fight to the ground, you’re beyond hope at that point.

PB: While working in the cage, Brendan Schaub asks for some advice from Evans on how to deal with a southpaw wrestler, after a few words Nelson comes over and jokingly says “That’s coaching! I saw that!” So Schaub apologizes for putting him in that position, Nelson then offers to show him anything he needs, and he gets left in the “capable” hands of McSweeney.

Fun fact time, when Frank Mir was going to be fighting Alistair Overeem, he brought in McSweeney to help him train, and look how much that helped him.

NC: I’m not sure why they’re so convinced that Jon is a lay-and-pray guy considering he beat the holy Hell out of Abe Wagner in the first fight of the season.

PB: In the back, a doctor checks Kimbo out and explains to him just how f**ked his left knee is, he can’t fight on it as is and he refuses to get a cortisone shot, but he’s insisting that he will fight again.

NC: Good luck doing that without cartilage, buddy.

PB: So just like with Meathead’s “brain injury”, I’m not going to waste anymore of my time or yours to this stupid storyline since we already know how it plays out.

Slice-Alexander

Now it’s time to play beach volleyball on a fake beach, it’s Tiki and Jackson taking on Evans and  Mike Van Arsdale. Hmmmm, maybe we’ll get lucky and Tiki will catch a hard one to the face, or several. The prizes on the line are 10k for the coach that wins and $1,500 for each guy on his team, asswipe money for Dana.

Is there a name for when they do these kind of segments? I mean other than, you know, “stupid”?

NC: Firstly, I refuse to believe this is the first time Rampage and Tiki have played beach volleyball together.

Secondly, this is the always epic Coaches Challenge! It might be stupid, but it helps break up the monotony for us dedicated recappers!

PB: Quinton is really starting to sound like he has a case of the Not Gays here, talking about female volleyball players in bikinis “with their asses hanging out”. You stay classy there Quinton.

NC: No surprise, Rashad and Van Arsdale go skins while Tiki and Rampage keep their shirts on.

Mav Van ArsdaleDana: “Van Arsdale starts acting like he’s Maverick from Top Gun…”

PB: I bet my lunch money it’s to hide that beer belly Quinton’s been nursing. Not that it really matters, but Team Gold win two games to one.

Evans offers Quinton the chance to hold his huge stack of (probably fake) cash, and he’s told it’s no big deal to him, as he’s had his hands on bigger amounts before. So Evans asks him if he’s so flush, why not give $1,500 to everyone on his team? Quinton responds by asking his guys if they’d rather have the money or see him knock Rashad out. If given a real option, I’m sure most of them would have gone for the former, not latter.

NC: I’m going to guess it took at least 20 takes for them to get to the one where everyone says they want to see Rashad get knocked out. Though even the one they used isn’t that convincing.

Later that night, the boys entertain themselves by convincing Kimbo to try an ice bath.

Floating KimboImagine heading out to the backyard pool and seeing this bobbing up.

PB: Seeing Kimbo suffer while sitting in a tub of ice water while everyone else looks on laughing is funny, but I’m still skipping anything related to him fighting again.

NC: Kimbo actually looks like he might die from the cold. Marcus says it’s because he’s a Florida brother who can’t deal with those temperatures.

The Gold Team’s next training session revolves around Brendan having jealous eyes seeing Rashad work with Jon and more Mitrione stuff.

Man, I don’t remember these Mitrione segments being so painful to sit through. He said after the show that being in the house drove him crazy and I’m starting to understand why. I bet they had him filming these “will he/won’t he” fight segments non-stop. Nobody is convinced he wants to fight, but maybe he’s just tired of all this bulls**t and wants to get in the cage?

You can tell everyone was doing their damndest to plant the idea of not fighting in Mitrione’s head so they could get Kimbo back in the Octagon. White gives his scheduled “Do you want to be a fighter?” speech to the teams, though it’s so obvious that it’s directed at Mitrione that he may as well have pulled the guy into his office and slapped his hand with a ruler.

PB: At the weigh-ins, Schaub comes in at 237 while Madsen is 10 lbs heavier at 247. Even though Brendan is technically the smaller fighter, he’s actually a good bit larger than Jon in size and reach. Madsen trains with Matt Hughes while Schaub is a friend and training partner of Evans and Shane Carwin down at Greg Jackson’s.

NC: Just had to sneak Carwin in there, didn’t ya?

PB:

NC: Pre-fight, McSweeney helps Schaub get warmed up and Schaub has a strange way of showing his appreciation.

Schaub ShoveYou do NOT slap a man!

Quarterfinal Bout: Brendan Schaub (4-0) v. Jon Madsen (3-0)*

(* Records according to Sherdog, not the records listed on the show)

Madsen scores the first significant points of the fight, tossing Schaub head over heels and getting half guard. Every time Madsen tries to pin him against the cage, Schaub blatantly grabs the fence to avoid getting stuck.

PB: Jon is in half guard while Schaub is trying to scoot away with liberal help from fence grabs, something the ref just impotently warns him about. A fifth and sixth fence grab are then seen by the ref but nothing is said about it. Same story with the seventh and eighth when they happen.

NC: Terrible officiating by Josh “Grow Op” Rosenthal.

PB: After they get stood up, Jon shoots for a single leg and takes Schaub to the fence, which he then uses to climb back to his feet, with another impotent warning from the ref. Now I’m starting to get pissed off, take a point already! Brendan just can’t seem to help himself because now he’s grabbing onto Jon’s shorts while they’re tied up. Another ref warning and nothing more. He lets go and then latches onto them again, prompting more impotence from the ref.

NC: Despite all that, Madsen still manages to score a second big slam. He had some serious power, eh? Of course, there’s not much he can do when Schaub is grabbing pretty much everything he can reach.

Schaub CheatsExpert takedown defence.

PB: This is f**king ridiculous. By my count, he grabbed the fence 11 or 12 different times with the ref only warning him for half of them, along with grabbing shorts three or four different times. If you’re not going to be penalized for breaking the rules, I guess there’s no reason to start following them now.

Less than 30 seconds into round two, Schaub uses the fence again to help him stay on his feet during a takedown, and the ref says nothing. 30 seconds later, same s**t.

NC: Schaub is looking like the much fresher fighter, which I guess is easy when you’re not putting any actual effort into takedown defence and just cheating like a motherf**ker. Madsen doesn’t have close to the level of technique needed to compensate for this and it’s only a matter of time until Schaub connects. Sure enough, a pair of straight rights land and this one is over.

Hybrid RightPB: Let me be clear, Jon had nothing for Schaub in the striking department, and he never once had a moment of ground n pound nor was he looking for a submission while he was on top of him. But WHY was Brendan allowed to use foul after foul and not get punished for it? I’m not saying he would have been put away without them, but he most likely would have lost a UD if he couldn’t continuously employ them. This is horses**t.

NC: Agreed. It’s easy to see that Schaub is the better fighter, I just hate the tactics he had to use to win this one.

PB: Well, I take some solace in that Rashad agrees with me on getting a point taken.

NC: And they’re teammates!

Dana compliments Schaub’s ability to stay alive on the ground, but the editing team immediately puts in footage of Schaub’s fence grabs to refute Dana’s observations. Thank you boys and girls in the back! It’s obvious that Schaub is one of the guys he saw as a potential draw on the show. Not that I blame him since Schaub went on to have plenty of good fights in the UFC.

PB: The “titties” episode was a slog to sit through, while this one was just aggravating for so many reasons.

NC: Nelson asks how many times Schaub was going to grab the fence and Schaub just gives him a funny face. Hey, if you don’t get caught, it’s not cheating!

PB: Next week will be the last entry in this series covering TUF itself, since episodes 11 and 12 were aired together as a two hour special. But we won’t be leaving you high and dry just yet, there’s still a little more juice we can wring from this apple. Tune in next time to find out.

Schaub Moves on

Vintage TUF – The Ultimate Fighter Season 10: Heavyweights – Week 9 – Kimbo Kards O Plenty

Reliving The Season That Cardio Forgot

Week 9

NewChallenger: Oh boy…it’s that time of the season again when everything slows to a crawl. We’re not at the dreaded two-fight episode yet, but we’ve reached the point where all the storylines have already been drug through the mud and there’s not much new to be said. Of course, that’s not going to save us from another week of Matt Mitrione is a dummy, the Rampage and Tiki comedy hour, and “BUT WILL KIMBO FIGHT AGAIN?!?”

PunisherBass: Picking up where we did at the end of last week, Team Gold coach Rashad Evans is in a rather odd position. On the upside he has seven fighters in the quarterfinals compared to Quinton Jackson’s one. And on the downside… he has seven fighters in the quarterfinals, so he’s trying to figure out how in the hell he’s going to train seven guys to fight against each other.

NC: I remember watching this thinking there was no way Rashad would be able to avoid favouring his buddies Schaub and McSweeney.

PB: So he’s deciding to be as diplomatic as possible by keeping those who will be facing each other apart, and not really “coaching” them along. Just striking, grappling, and cardio training basically. The camera focuses on Justin Wren and Roy Nelson who will be fighting next, and Roy jokingly offers to help him work on anything he needs to shore up. I have to say, kudos to Roy for showing off his flexibility here with that kick, I don’t think 95% of the rest of the cast could throw one higher.

High KickNC: You’d think that in the 20+ seasons of TUF’s existence, someone had come up with a way to handle this dilemma of teammates having to train and then fight each other. That would require them actually put time and thought into this product though so why do I even bring it up?

PB: Matt Mitrione is either in time out or he’s just taking a breather, but we hear in his voiceover that his “brain still hurts” after his fight with Scott Junk. Welcome to my world. Like I’ve said before, it’s really tough to get a read on Meathead, you never know for sure if he’s crying wolf or not. I’ve never taken a good shot to the noggin, let alone as many as a pro fighter does, so I’ve no idea if he’s just milking it like Wren says or if he’s showing signs of actually being f**ked up here.

NC: What’s weird to me is that the rest of the cast is so quick to be skeptical. Mitrione says the after effects of the fight with Junk had him feeling “stupid” and that he was experiencing sensitivity to lights. What did he do to not get the benefit of the doubt in this situation?

PB: While Matt sits in the van holding his head and not saying anything, the rest of his team talk about what they want to have for dinner. As an aside, Brendan Schaub said years later that they will get you whatever kind of food you want, like if you want some nice steaks, just put in a request for it and they’ll arrive in a few days. But the alcohol is literally on demand, if you ask for a bottle of tequila that was made with the tears of PRIDE fans, it will be there within an hour.

NC: Whenever I hear that TUF is the most difficult tournament in martial arts, I always giggle.

Meanwhile, Schaub perfectly reads this week’s “Kimbo will be back” lines.

PB: NO! BAD HYBRID! BAD! NO! You do NOT play the Kimbo Kard! Instead of Meathead sitting in a dark room, maybe you should be the one thinking about what you just said.

Here comes James McSweeney to tell Kimbo the “good” news, that Meathead is probably concussed and that he’s back in the tournament. I’d like to take a moment to gleefully remind you that James was knocked out by Roger Gracie less than a year ago, not submitted, but knocked out.

Another Kimbo KardGuys, seriously?

I have a feeling they’re about to strap a supercharger onto the Kimbo hype train, but they go to commercial with a Kard and they come back with one as well. Jackson actually says that Kimbo is the most improved out of everyone on his team…

Mars AttacksNC: While my compatriot puts his skull back together, I want to say that if I was Demico or Wes Shivers or Zak I’d be ridiculously annoyed that they aren’t even up for consideration. Demico actually looked good, he just had the misfortune of running into Schaub who was one of the most seasoned guys in the house.

Wes Shivers and Zak…both suck. But still.

PB: I think this is the first time we’ve seen/heard Tiki talk directly to the camera this season, and with very good reason. I’m pouring two shots for myself, two for my partner in crime here, and then I’m asking Santa to bring me a dartboard with Tiki’s mug printed on it for Christmas. I’ve been a good boy this year and I deserve it after… how many weeks are we up to now? Nine? Yeah nine weeks of this crap.

NC: I think after that you’ll need all four shots.

PB: Here comes McSweeney to play Chatty Kathy, telling everyone who’ll listen that Mitrione went to the hospital last night and didn’t come back, meaning that Kimbo is now back in the tournament. This is like the UFC production crew trying to pull off the worst magic trick ever, instead of pulling a rabbit out of a hat they’re just ripping off its head and throwing it us while screaming “F**K YOU!”

NC: They’ve moved on from teasing a Kimbo return to flat out lying to the viewers. I stand by this season being a good one, but everything involving Kimbo after he lost his fight is worthless.

These conversations are phonier than Big Country’s chin-ups.

Faking ItIf they put half the time promoting Big Country as they did Kimbo…

PB: Remember how Wren was drawn like a chicken on that mural a couple weeks ago? Here’s where that came from, at least I think so. And it’s not only unfunny, but it’s animal cruelty as well. In case you were not aware, TUF is shot in Las Vegas, which is in the middle of a f**king desert. This season was also shot during the summer, which means blistering heat and lots of it. Keep that in mind.

NC: Rampage decides to resort to another dumb prank because he can’t get back at Rashad by doing silly stuff like, you know, winning fights. Admittedly, as far as pranks go this is a pretty good one especially if you have the sensibilities of a f**king a**hole.

PB: Jackson and you know who, are going to pull a “prank” on Rashad and his coaches, because they’re so “cocky” after winning so many fights. They’ve apparently bought, borrowed, or stolen some live chickens which are going to be left in their cars so they can s**t all over the inside.

Chicken PrankFrom the brilliant minds that brought you “TITTIES”…it’s “COCKS”!

I’m going to assume that this was all setup by the production crew. How else were they going to get inside the cars without smashing a window or stealing the keys?

NC: That’s a safe bet because I wouldn’t trust Rampage or Tiki to figure out which direction to turn a car key if you gave them two tries.

PB: And I’d like to think that the cars were parked there with the AC’s running on full blast, not that the chickens were just thrown into 120 degree oven to slowly be cooked alive. I’m sure the poor teenager working at Hertz didn’t care he had to clean a bunch of nasty bird s**t out of a couple Chevy Malibu’s either.

NC: Just like they’ve done with everything this year, Team Rashad makes the most of the situation and turns into an impromptu training exercise. Straight from the Vince McMahon training regimen. Make the Colonel proud!

Rampage is once again confused by Team Rashad not being devastated by he and Tiki’s wicked burns. It’s like he doesn’t understand why Rashad doesn’t have a s**t fit and go bananas on an inanimate object like he would if the situations were reversed.

PB: I’m done with this segment. NEXT!

Matt arrives back at the house, and isn’t telling anyone anything really other than saying his head hurts. Kimbo feeling very salty about not getting a second chance to play beached whale says that Meathead just has sand in his vagina.

NC: Dana pays Matt a visit. I’ve never seen him less enthused about a saying he’s going to fight through an injury. The Kimbo Kard really looms over this episode as they show Mitrione telling Dana that he might have undiagnosed concussions in the past from his football career. They even insert a clip of Mitrione stumbling over some names during a confessional just to keep the audience thinking that he’ll bow out. Appalling.

PB: During the bumper we’re lead to believe that Rashad and his team “freed” the chickens after they were caught. Yeah ok…

NC: I’m not an expert on the ecology of the chicken, but I’d bet they’re probably as good as dead anyway being released into some random environment.

PB: Alright, I have no idea how much longer the show intends to drag out this “will he/won’t he” storyline with Matt’s apparent concussion, but I’m not going to sit here six years in the future and play along. We know he didn’t pull out and we know Kimbo didn’t take his place, so as of now, I’m done with it. At this pace I’d be here all f**king night writing about it each time it came up otherwise.

Kimbo compliments Roy’s skills before s**tting all over Wren, calling him a fat kid stuffing his face at the refrigerator.

NC: I actually thought the analogy was meant to be endearing. He says Justin is like a young kid who gets scolded by his mom for eating too many jelly donuts. I’m not entirely sure what that means, but it fits somehow!

PB: Let me remind you what Kimbo looked like trying to cut to 215lbs so he could face a guy who normally fights at 205.

Slice-AlexanderPeople in glass houses Kimbo.

NC: In another bumper, we see Nelson teaching Kimbo the best way to get past a fighter’s guard.

Single Leg CrabWe defy you to prove that this wouldn’t work.

Quarterfinal Bout: Justin Wren (7-1) v. Roy Nelson (13-4)*

(* Records according to Sherdog, not the records listed on the show)

 Tale Of The Tape

PB: Looking at this tale of the tape, I’m willing to bet everyone is now hearing Goldberg say “VIRTUALLY IDENTICAL!” in their heads.

After a quick glove tap, Wren does some head hunting while Roy keeps his distance, but he does get tagged with some good shots over the first minute.

NC: Wren gets after Nelson! He lands some heavy hands and we get a glimpse of Big Country’s soon-to-be-legendary chin.

Wren FlurryThis is a top ten heavyweight he’s backing up!

Nelson wisely clinches up. It’s a position that he is comfortable with and I don’t think anyone in the house knows it as well as him. Whenever there’s separation, Justin continues to find success in the striking department.

PB: Wren lands more often looking for a knockout, but he might as well be punching a bank vault. With two minutes left, his gas tank starts to empty and he slows down, which allows Roy to start circling around him instead of backing up. The round finishes with Roy taking over by throwing (and landing) the harder shots and doing it more often.

NC: Justin started turning real red real fast. Those big swings took a lot out of him. This is experience versus exuberance playing out right in front of our eyes.

PB: I know Rashad recused himself from this, which is understandable, but I wish Wren had someone more competent than a 3-4 McSweeney barking orders at him.

NC: It was a good round, one that I would actually score for Wren. He just took a round from Roy Nelson!

Between rounds, Rampage calls Arianny Celeste “his girlfriend”. Normally I’d roll my eyes, but this is one of the rare times in any TUF season where the coaches or contestants are shown acknowledging the ring girls. Considering they’re trapped in a house with nothing but dudes for months, you’d think this would come up more often.

PB: In round two, Wren keeps lunging forward with his head facing down while throwing wild punches, something he did near the end of round one, which allows Roy to continuously step out of the way and tag him with a counter shot. 90 seconds in and Justin is starting to turn a bit Pudzi (purple) while Roy’s cardio is holding up just fine.

James should be yelling something more helpful than just “DO YOU WANT IT OR NOT!?” to Justin. Wren is doing his best, but Roy is just better conditioned, far more seasoned, and just too crafty for him. Roy scores a knockdown but opts not to follow him to the mat, the rest of the round plays out with him either dodging anything Wren throws or just eating the few shots that do land, while peppering him with 1-2’s.

Everyone thinks there’s going to be a third round, but they’re all wrong, Roy gets the MD.

NC: I scored it one apiece. I certainly don’t think that Nelson was “destroyed” in the first round as Dana declares. His clinch work kept the opening period close and then he pulled away in the second. Everyone was rooting for a third though, even Rampage.

PB: Dana s**ts on Nelson by saying he was very close to getting knocked out in the first round and would have if he didn’t go for the clinch, then says he just squeaked by with that decision. Man, talk about having horse blinders on. If you didn’t want Kimbo to be humiliated, then you shouldn’t have put him in a tournament with 15 other guys who could still beat him after taking a fistful of Ambien.

NC: Let’s not forget that Dana hated Kimbo for a long time before he realized how much money he could make off of him.

Wren is in tears, telling himself that he should have just gone for the takedown. I’m not sure that would have been a great strategy either. He’s really beating himself up over it. It’s the sort of reaction you like to see from an up-and-coming fighter. Such a shame (?) that he had greater interests in life than the UFC.

PB: The episode ends with Dana saying “The day we see Roy Nelson in an exciting fight that he made exciting is the day I will give him his props”, with a little shake of his head when he’s done.

NC: Roy has had plenty of exciting fights since and he’s still waiting for those props.

PB: The promo for next week is of course a Kimbo Kard, there’s only a few weeks left so it’s time to hit the nitrous button on them.

Epilogue: In the post episode show the UFC did after it aired, they had Roy and Justin on and asked them what really became of the chickens when the cameras stopped rolling. This was their response. Note: There was video of this but it’s long gone (thanks Spike!) so still pictures have to do.

KFC Roy

KFC Justin

Also, Wren said that he picked McSweeney to be in his corner because he thought that would be the path to victory and James’ “experience” would help him. This is something he deeply regretted. And before I go, in the promo we see James slapping Schaub to get him ready, something he also did to Wren, only Brendan nearly shoves him through the wall in response. This makes me smile.

Nelson Moves On

Vintage TUF – The Ultimate Fighter Season 10: Heavyweights – Week 8 – Spider Jones

Reliving The Season That Cardio Forgot

NewChallenger: As if to help us keep this series relevant, the MMA gods have blessed us with Kimbo-centric news: Of course, I am referring to the booking of Slice versus Dhafir “DaDa5000” Harris at Bellator 149 next February.

Now I know this is going to hurt my standing as an expert in the field of MMA, but I have to confess I know little about this DaDa fellow. Perhaps you can fill in some of the blanks for me, PunisherBass?

PB: I know slightly more about DaDa than 100% of the people who were in the Kiel Center (St. Louis represent!) on Friday night. While you heard crickets chirping and a collective “Who?”, I was saying “Wait, are you f**king kidding me!?”

As I mentioned in a previous week, DaDa is as close to a Kimbo Klone as you can get. He is a backyard brawler who built his name on the internet, he is/was friends with Kimbo as well as being part of his “team” back in the day. And he’s compiled a 2-0 record, but he hasn’t fought since Obama was still in his first term. A fight between them was rumored to be booked sometime after Kimbo’s UFC release, but it never came together.

He was also the star of a documentary called Dawg Fight, which you can go watch on Netflix right now, and it will probably tell you more than I can. I’m willing to bet money that Spike will be doing a special broadcast of it before the event airs. I find it very amusing that Bellator thought everyone would automatically know his name only for it to go over like a wet fart during a wedding.

Anyway, back to six years in the past!

Quinton is making excuses for Junk’s loss to Meathead and his seventh loss in a row by saying that getting dropped just “threw him off his game”. No, he didn’t simply “get dropped”, he got knocked flat on his ass a good five or six times in the opening round alone.

NC: I actually think it’s fair to say that that initial knockdown essentially put Junk out of the fight though. He looked completely punch drunk for the remainder of the contest. I’m not saying he’s a world beater by any stretch, but he had to be better than what we saw, right?

PB: I’ve been spoiled by the last several fights since they were all quick finishes, these clips are making me say it was easily the worst fight since we started these recaps. We’re shown clip after clip of them exhausted, hands at their side, just barely throwing leather at each other with no power behind them and very little landing.

Junk says if there had been a third round, he would have won. Yeah, and if a frog had wings it wouldn’t bump its ass. If we got another round of that it would have looked as bad if not worse than Shivers/McSweeney back in week two.

The replays continue as we’re shown Jackson destroying the door again, I’m honestly shocked and surprised that Tiki wasn’t right behind him to throw a few pissy little kicks of his own at the pile of cardboard aftermath.

NC: Dana cracks a funny saying that what really sucks about Rampage’s, er, rampage, is that it shows how cheap the show’s doors are.

PB: Evans calls Jackson an idiot (in so many words) for tearing up a door in anger instead of being mad at himself like he should be, and in the back Quinton is seething.

NC: It’s particularly ridiculous because as Rashad points out, Rampage has shown zero investment in his team up to this point.

PB: Oh god, this right here is the second most horrifying thing I’ve seen on this show, McSweeney holding a cold compress to Junk’s black eye, I swear it looks like if Junk had any hair, James would be gently stroking it at the same time.

Junk EyeJunk? Stroking? Phrasing!

Oh? What’s the #1 most horrifying thing? Tiki rubbing Jensen’s chest to wake him up after getting choked out in training a few weeks ago. That’s going to stick with me for a long time to come.

NC: The gash in Abe Wagner’s skull has something to say about all this.

PB: Some people can’t handle blood, I can’t handle a guy who’d look right at home on a sex offender registry.

At night while in the hot tub, Wes Sims reveals that he’s not done f**king with Meathead by any stretch, and says he’s planning a party to celebrate his first win. As I’ve already said, I only watched this season once when it first aired and I write this on the fly, so I’m going to make a prediction here. My gut tells me it’s going to involve couch stuffing, Hershey’s chocolate syrup, glitter, and fire of some sort.

Let’s see how close I end up being.

Nope, he’s just going to cover him in silly string while yelling “CELEBRATE!” When Matt asks him to stop because his head is really really hurting (it’s up for debate if he’s serious or just acting), Wes actually does and leaves him be. And some say his frosted tips grew three sizes that day.

NC: I would be surprised if Matt wasn’t suffering from concussion-like symptoms after that glorified bumfight. Then again, the way he talks, I imagine it would be hard to tell the difference.

CelebrateNothing helps you get over being punched in the head a hundred times like your housemate walking into your room and dousing you in sticky white stuff.

PB: During a Team Silver training session, there’s no telling when this was shot, and Marcus Jones is T I R E D. He’s sweating profusely and can barely manage to move around due to the exhaustion. Jackson says that he’s going to tear down a cardboard wall if Marcus ends up losing. Remember those Mikey Burnett GIF’s from a few weeks ago? I’d say that makes Mikey a tougher son of a bitch than Jackson.

NC: Hundreds of thousands of eyes rolled when Rampage talked about how much he feels for his losing fighters. This is better acting than we saw in The A-Team! Hiyoooo!

PB: Back from commercial, we see that a good sized camel spider has invaded the house, and it turns out that The Darkness has a bad case of arachnophobia. This causes him to scream in terror and cry for help. After Justin Wren rushes to his aid, Jones asks the camera crew to erase the tape of him freaking out. In a later interview he says “I figured if I screamed loud enough, it would deafen the creature and give someone else a chance to sneak up on it”.

For all his flaws as a fighter, Marcus is an OK dude. Besides, I’m the same size as him and have a pathological fear of wasps and hornets, so I can’t really throw stones in this situation.

The best part is when Abe Wagner digs the corpse out of the trash just so he can toss it at Big Baby, which causes him to scream in terror once again, jump up and run the hell away. This has to be one of the best moments of the season by far.

Spider ThrowIt works better with the audio, so here’s our best shot at transcription: “OOOOWOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!”

NC: Marcus lives up to every big softie stereotype ever. He also lets out this big dopey laugh whenever he learns something new in training. As you can tell from the previous recaps, I’m not a fan, but there was a lot of star power here. It’s a shame that he chose to go pro in MMA so late in his athletic life. There just wasn’t enough time for him to learn the skills needed for a legitimate UFC run.

This episode does go a long way towards rehabilitating his childish image. They touch upon his NFL career and the montage communicates his passion and work ethic well. Really, the best part is when he gets to do something that we’ve all wanted to do since about the halfway point of episode one:

Rampage RockedThanks, Marcus.

PB: Since we had a dose of funny, now it’s time for a dose of seriousness. Mike Wessel says that he hates having to be away from his wife, who was undergoing cancer treatments at the time. He chokes up a bit while talking about her, saying that he’s made sure a card with a little note from him gets delivered to her every day to help keep her spirits up.

That would be really sad and touching… if it was true. I’ll go more in depth in my “Where Are They Now” fanpost after we’re done with this season, but it was all bulls**t. Wessel would later claim that he wife lied to him and made it all up, but in a recent podcast done by Schaub and Mitrione, they said he was the source of the story and made it up to get on the show.

The pair also said that the producers knew the truth long before the rest of the cast did, so maybe that’s why we’ve been told next to nothing about him before now?

NC: Regardless, the show does its job of presenting the cancer story and creating some sympathy for Mike who, as you mentioned, was a blank slate before this episode. The other angle they push is that he’s small, compact, and powerful, like Mike Tyson, which comes off as desperate at least to me.

PB: Back at the house, Schaub has drawn a couple doodles of Marcus and taped them to the kitchen window, but not before Wessel has added “sucks balls” to the bottom of one.

Big Baby ArtIt’s scientifically proven that adding “sucks balls” to anything makes it ten times funnier.

See? This is why the TUF house needs some board games on hand all times, you put a bunch of guys together with the mentality of 8 year olds and no distractions and this is what happens.

NC: You’re really not going to let this board game thing go, are you?

PB: I don’t see you coming up with a better idea. Someone reading this, photoshop me a picture of Big Baby playing D&D!

NC: This week, Roy Nelson and Kimbo Slice face off again…in a game of Connect Four! Smell the ratings!

PB: Why stop there? I can just imagine Mike Rowe saying “Who will make the other say ‘You sunk my battleship!’”

NC: …actually, that probably would get a huge rating.

PB: Big Baby does not find it the least bit humorous and tears them off before going outside to be alone in anger. I think Mike misunderstood that whole “If your opponent is angry” line from The Art Of War, because all he did was piss off a much larger man who up to now had been very calm and easy going.

NC: This is the part where I turned on Marcus again. What an overreacting jerk. He gets self-righteous about his family possibly watching and being offended, then he proceeds to go on a profanity laced tirade. Yuck.

PB: What does the 800 lb. gorilla do? Whatever the f**k he wants. I think it’s better that he just gets pissed off, I admit over nothing, instead of losing it like Meathead did with Madsen over the OJ, or worse. Who knows, maybe Marcus got picked on a lot as a kid?

NC: That would explain all the murders.

PB: In the gym while Jones is checking his weight, Jackson and Roy Nelson actually lift shirts and do a belly bump of their own. Quinton is clearly sporting a decent beer gut of his own here, lending credibility to Mike Dolce’s claims of him starting camp at 245 pounds for the Evans fight, which is why what’s about to happen pisses me off even more.

Schoonover walks in and Jackson greets him with a “Hey Titties! Titties come over here and talk to me. Come on Titties, let’s make up.” Darrill offers a handshake and Quinton goes in for a hug… then cups the left side of his chest and gives a squeeze.

GropeRampage’s version of an apology.

Darrill responds by shoving him to the edge of the cage and getting right in his face telling him to knock it the f**k off. They exchange a few “COME ON!”‘s at each other before Schaub steps in and pulls Schoonover away.

Quinton starts to laugh before Tiki comes over to say “I thought you motorboated him”. I involuntarily shout “OH F**K YOU!” at my tv screen. If I hadn’t made it abundantly clear over the last 7 weeks, I really… really… really hate Tiki’s guts.

Oh if I had my druthers… Dark dirty bathroom, some heavy duty chains, and a hacksaw. That’s all I’m saying…

I get the sense that Quinton either doesn’t know what personal space is, or just doesn’t care about respecting it. “You should never grab somebody’s titty if they don’t like it” he says. I’m sure Karyn Bryant would like to have a word with you about that.

NC: The whole scene makes it look like Quinton is completely incapable of sincerity. Rather than issue another apology, he goes back to chuckling and making bad jokes. It’s obvious that he’s embarrassed by the whole thing and actually does want things to be cool, he just has no concept of how to reach that point having pushed Darrill one step too far.

The next Tiki scene made me scared for PunisherBass’s keyboard, his monitor, his sanity, any surrounding friends or family…

PB: Tiki drops a “That’s what she said” to one of Quinton’s comments. A runaway bread truck, a single lightning strike, softball sized chunk of hale. Anything like that, that’s all I’m asking for. And take four shots while you’re at it.

You know what Tiki reminds me of? Other than a rancid jar of mayo that somehow gained the ability to talk? This old cartoon.

Was one of the requirements to get on this show “Have at least one really large and terrible tattoo”?

NC: To get into the sport, really.

Team Rampage’s Marcus Jones (4-1) v. Team Rashad’s Mike Wessel (8-2)*

(* Records according to Sherdog, not the records listed on the show)

PB: The fight starts and Marcus shows this really oddball striking stance when he first comes out. It’s just strange the way he holds his hands up.

NC: The whole episode, Team Rashad has been trying to tell Mike that size doesn’t matter. Guess what happens in the first clinch.

Marcus On TopSIZE MATTERS

PB: Marcus goes for a kimura before switching to back control about 30 seconds in. 10 seconds later Mike spins around into full guard only to almost instantly get caught in an armbar and the ref calls it off.

NC: When a guy that big tugs on your arm, you’ve got to submit and that’s what Mike does yelling “tap” at the top of his lungs.

Arm Bar FinishPB: Evans is so pissed off by his first loss that he picks up a sledge hammer to go outside and starts busting up cars… oh wait no he doesn’t. He handles it like an adult, he says he’s disappointed but still proud his guys went 7-1.

NC: In a funny moment, Marcus compares the win to doing crack and Rampage asks him how he would know what that’s like.

PB: Jackson says that he’s going win the show. No, no he’s not.

The episode should be over now, but they’re going to spend the last 10 minutes setting up the next round of the tournament. They’re bringing the fighters out one by one to ask them who they’d like to fight, Evans jokes “You’re going to be waiting a while, aren’t you Rampage?”

NC: The consensus seems to be that Darrill, Justin, and Matt are easy pickings. Everyone except Big Country (and Matt himself, because that would be weird) ask for Mitrione. Speaking of Nelson…

PB: When it’s Roy’s turn, Dana gets pissed that Nelson says he matches up well with all of them. Well… he’s not wrong. There’s a difference between talking s**t and then backing it up, which Roy can do. White then bitches that his fight with Kimbo wasn’t very exciting, to which Roy basically responds with “Yeah, and…?”

He explains that he took the smart path by exploiting where Kimbo was the weakest, because why take damage when you need to fight three times in just a few short weeks.

NC: Dana makes that face that he makes when someone is talking sense to him and he has no retort.

Dana FaceYou know the one.

PB: When Jones comes out, he doesn’t really have any opinions on who he should fight, he’d rather defer to Quinton. I understand him being a humble guy, but that’s just plain foolish, especially when he’s shown zero leadership qualities up to now.

Quarterfinals

Roy Nelson v. Justin Wren
Brendan Schaub v. Jon Madsen
James McSweeney v. Matt Mitrione
Marcus Jones v. Darrill Schoonover

NC: Rashad wisely decides open up his training to the Team Rampage guys. He’s not just being magnanimous, his team situation has become far more complicated with all of his boys having to fight one another. I’m stunned that Team Silver remain doggedly loyal.

PB: Kimbo actually says “I can’t disrespect my coach like that”.

Really? What the f**k has he done to earn that kind of loyalty? This is the same guy who walked away after every single loss to piss and moan about the situation while Evans was in there checking on them.

NC: The sad thing is I think the main reason they didn’t jump at the opportunity is because they’re professionals and they didn’t want to make Rampage look bad on national television. You know, kind of like how he’s been doing to them the whole season.

To cap off this absurd edition of TUF 10, next week’s preview revolves around Mitrione possibly having a head injury and…what’s this…a Kimbo Kard?!? They actually show Schaub saying that his money is on Kimbo coming back, though it’s with all the conviction of Rampage talking about how much he cares for his team.

PB: It’s going to take a few days for this to come in, once it does I’ll be ready for next week.

Whiskey CaskNC: It might be a chintzy thing to do, but Bellator is about to pull their second Kimbo Kard and they’re laughing all the way to the bank.

Jones Victorious

Vintage TUF – The Ultimate Fighter Season 10: Heavyweights – Week 7 – Stanky Legs, Ninjas, & Door Destruction

Reliving The Season That Cardio Forgot

Punisher Bass: Do you know why NewChallenger and I decided to get a backlog of these done and in the can before it started running? Yeah, partly is was so we wouldn’t miss a week if we tried to do it in real time, but also for when we ran into episodes like the last one. It’s actually been three weeks since I’ve sat down to write my end of a recap. Episode six pissed me off that badly I had to just walk away for a while.

Maybe this week it will be better?

NewChallenger: *snicker*

PB: Well… it was a nice thought while it lasted, but since the first few seconds of the episode is a pullout shot of Quinton Jackson, Tiki, and Kimbo Slice sitting on a bench, it’s already been shot to hell. While normally the cream filling would be the best part, I can grantee you the exact opposite is true when it comes to this Little Debbie cookie. I wish Tiki had to go through the Klingon Rite Of Ascension every single morning on his way to the bathroom before he could take a piss.

BenchedSee no evil. Hear no evil. Speak no evil. But who does what?

Rashad Evans is giving his impression of how Jackson looked when Wandy knocked him out the first time back in Pride. Quinton responds in kind with his own impression of how Evans looked in his (then) recent loss to Lyoto Machida. Credit where it’s due, his is the better of the two since Evans just kind of twitched while Jackson did the full on stanky leg.

NC: Ah yes, the now infamous “stanky leg”. As you said, this is one of the few times where Rampage got the better of an exchange with Rashad. I laughed. Then again, that Machida loss always makes for good material.

Stanky LegI mean…he’s not wrong.

PB: Even though we’re not 30 seconds into it, crack the bottle open and take a shot, because Tiki shouldn’t be allowed to get any sort of pleasure at Evans’ expense.

“I can’t take losing no more to Rashad’s cocky ass”, maybe if he tried teaching… oh f**k it.

Before Rashad makes the next fight announcement, Quinton starts up with more homophobic bulls**t by calling him “Gayshad Evans”. Seriously, what the f**k is it with him? This is far from the first time he’s done something like this on the show and I have doubts it will be the last. Jackson has the mentality of a 7th grader. I wonder how he would have reacted if Evans called him “Queerton” instead of “Whaaampage”?

NC: “Gayshad”. Be A Star, people! Oh wait, I’m criticizing the wrong sports entertainment company. Carry on.

PB: They then argue about who’s been knocked out more, with Jackson showing how much brain damage he’s suffered by insisting it’s Evans and not himself. This show is destroying my will to live.

NC: I would say this has more to do with Rampage’s ability to count than his cognitive shortcomings.

PB: The next couple seconds are actually hilarious as Evans says he’s picking Matt Mitrione to fight… Scott Junk. The funny part comes when as soon as he finishes the word “versus”, Marcus Jones takes a step forward with a big smile on his face, only for it to vanish and turn into a look of shock and disappointment as he’s forced to step back in line as Junk’s name is spoken. You can even hear someone giggle in the background.

PricelessPriceless.

NC: If Marcus weren’t so annoying, I would have spared him the gif. But he’s getting exactly what he deserves. When will he learn?

It always surprises me when Dana acknowledges right off the bat that a TUF contestant has already fought in the UFC (as Junk has). That information kind of takes the shine off of winning the six figure contract, making it look more like a quick payday than a life changing career opportunity. This would prove even truer in the seasons to come when a few winners wouldn’t make it past three bookings before being cut.

PB: So with that fight booked, the eighth and final one by default becomes Jones vs. Mike Wessel. In the previous six episodes, we’ve seen and heard so little from Mike that I had to look his name up for proper spelling.

NC: Those are seconds of your life that you’ll never get back.

PB: I admit I have a lot of trouble when it comes to remembering names and faces, but Mike has been like a ghost so far, or a random extra in a crowd scene in a movie. We know literally nothing about him except his name.

“Marcus is so big and Wessel is so small… I absolutely have no idea what to think about this fight” Dana White says. The look on his face and his eyes tell me these are the truest words I’ve ever seen him speak.

“I’m going to make you quit, just like you quit on this competition and you quit on your fighters, I’m going to make you quit.” Rashad tells Quinton right to his face. Jackson responds with “I ain’t quittin’ nothin’, my fighters is the ones who is quittin’.”

NC: Um…good comeback?

PB: The argument continues to escalate and quickly turns into the worst version of Abbott and Costello’s “Who’s on first?” routine, with Evans saying “You came here to coach” while Quinton says “But I’m not a coach” over and over again.

“I brought my coaches with me, and we doing a good job, we doin’ a great job!” Jackson says, with a dump truck full of irony I hope.

NC: They also go to a shot of his fighters standing idly by, not backing up his statements in anyway. It’s an edited shot, but I doubt it’s far from the truth.

PB: Quinton then asks him why he’s only wearing one shoe, and Evan’s reason is “Because I was ready to break one off in your mother f**king ass!” That gave me a good hearty laugh, thanks Rashad.

NC: Okay. I think I’ve reached the point where I’ve had enough of the Rashad-Rampage back and forth. It’s crazy to remember how highly anticipated this fight was at the time though.

PB: As I said way back in week one, I don’t remember exactly when it was announced there would be no fight since Jackson was “retiring” to go film The A-Team remake, but it had to be around this point. Which makes all this trash talk and confrontation completely pointless.

In a previous recap, I said that I write all this out in real time, and I just paused so I could check Wessel’s wiki page. Turns out he actually fought at UFC 92 in December of 2008 against Antoni Hardonk (fun fact, Antoni is still listed on the UFC roster as of this writing). This has not been mentioned by the show at all, they said Junk was a UFC vet, but nothing about Mike. I just put more time and effort into telling you about him than the TUF production crew has.

NC: Who has time for Mike Wessel when you’ve got more Meathead drama? You can tell they were struggling to make something of this episode since they lean heavily on the “Matt the Rat” angle while sprinkling in some Zak Jensen-esque mind games.

Apparently his teammates are upset that he slipped a note to the other team saying that Mike was afraid to fight Junk. When confronted by Rashad, Mitrione admits that he thinks Mike is “scared to death” and Rashad tells him straight-up that it isn’t Matt’s place to say those things.

Say what you want about Mitrione, but like Rampage, he made the most of his camera time this season.

PB: Matt says “What brings me to MMA is that I enjoy the mental aspect of competition”. The ground aspect though? Not so much.

Outside he tells Schaub that the voices in his head only quiet down when he’s doing something violent, and the look on Schaub’s face says “This guy is totally full of s**t.”

Tiki tells Junk “This guy has nothing for ya, I’m tellin’ ya!”. Yeah… just like he told everyone else on the team how they would CRUSH the other guy, only to be DEAD F**KING WRONG every single time. Many. Take. Of. Shots. Whiskey.

NC: It pains me to think that Tiki Ghosn of all people will prove to be your undoing.

PB: I’m German/Irish, it’s going to take more than a bottle of Jonnie Walker and Tiki’s stupid facial hair to be a nail in my coffin. Jones asks if he’s allowed to say “assh**e” on TV, making him a politer guy than me.

There’s apparently some static between Meathead and Jon Madsen, and it was sparked over a glass of orange juice. And that’s all I’m going to write about it because I need to get through this episode.

NC: This tension between them really comes out of nowhere too. It’s one thing to have feuds on the show, but to spring one up out of nowhere and then use this orange juice tiff as a justification for it? Lame.

At some point, Jon goes as far as to say that he’s going to slap Matt, which leads to a tense training situation, to put it gently.

Mitrione Freak Out 1“Come on, motherf**ker! COME ON!!! F**king tell me—*incoherent wheezing*”

Mitrione Freak Out 2“Little punk ass BITCH!”

Mitrione Freak Out 3“He’s like ‘I’m done, I’m done.’ And I was like, ‘You…p**sy bitch!’ How dare you call me out and say you’re going to slap me in the face and then quit when we’re starting to work? It made me so mad and I just completely blew up.

PB: After he goes full force during a brief sparring session with Madsen, Rashad goes into the back to call him on all crazed alpha male bulls**t and tells him to knock it the f**k off. Thank you Rashad.

NC: Specifically, Rashad asks him how he can freak out so badly when he hasn’t even fought yet. He brings up Mitrione’s wonky shoulder and you can see that for better or for worse, the speech is really getting to Mitrione. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that the tough love he received on this show was beneficial to his career in the long run.

PB: Oh thank god for Wes Sims (did I really just type that) for he’s providing this episode with some MUCH needed levity. He dons a black gi (thus destroying my excuse to Benten20 that they don’t come in my size), a little grease paint, and begins stalking Mitrione while he’s outside shooting hoops.

Wes NinjaBecause Zak and Matt are the crazy ones…

NC: The fact that you find this amusing makes me worry about what this show has done to your mind.

PB: Hey, if you sat through the “titties” episode twice like I did, you’d take anything you could get. We see him continue to stalk his prey, and as he’s leaving the basketball court, Sims decides to strike like the biggest and most arthritic panther you’ve ever seen.

Back inside the house, Meathead is having none of Sims’ s**t and tries warning him to never touch him again in his best serial killer voice. The key with guys like Wes is to never show emotion, act upset, or tell them exactly what will piss you off, because it just gives them the perfect ammunition to do exactly that. While shooting a little pool, Wes just continues to needle and just dick with him as much as possible.

Back outside, Matt delivers more serial killer type warnings, which are just laughed off.

NC: Just like they did for Zak, they start a calendar for when Matt will snap. This joke was worth half a laugh the first time around and it’s essentially dead now.

I don’t think I’ve ever been happier to see that “Fight Day” title card come up.

PB: Meathead tells Rashad that he’s all good now, because he talked to his wife… in his head. I’m guessing he either snuck some peyote into the house or he’s into astral projection.

NC: At breakfast, Scott Junk says “I can see myself banging him. And after the fight banging him again in the house just for f**king being a bitch.”

Hold UpPhrasing.

Team Rampage’s Scott Junk (6-2-1) v. Team Rashad’s Matt Mitrione (0-0)*

(* Records according to Sherdog, not the records listed on the show)
(** Yup, Mitrione had zero amateur or pro fights prior to filming)

Oddly, the fight info graphic lists Mitrione as having a 2-0 record. Again, we could find no evidence that he had any actual fights before TUF so I guess we’re just making s**t up now?

PB: Maybe they counted him schooling Slice on the ground back in episode one along with his Madsen tiff as wins?

Within the first minute, Junk gets dropped twice, and instead of pouncing on him like one of the more skilled fighters would, he instead backs off and lets Scott get to his feet. I don’t know if it’s just because he’s so green or because he’s just that terrified of being on the ground.

NC: One thing I noticed is how light on his feet Mitrione is, at least in the early going. You can see how his agility would give him a clear advantage over a lot of the guys in the house. It’s also obvious that Junk’s eye gets busted up, a plot point to be revived in a later episode.

PB: Why are the drawstrings on Junk’s shorts coming out above his ass crack? Please tell me that’s normal and that he didn’t simply put them on backwards.

Matt keeps tagging Scott with shots that knock him to the ground, including one with a delayed fuse, but he refuses to follow him and allowing a reset. The one time he does leap in he nails Junk in the back of the head several times in clear view of the ref, but nothing is done about it.

I think Quinton must have been gone on this day because we haven’t seen or heard from him in a while now. I don’t care what the reason for his absence is. Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

NC: They probably just shut his microphone off.

PB: Alright, it’s obvious that Meathead is just terrified of being on the ground with anyone, even if he’s the much bigger guy and he’s on top.

This fight is just really really ugly. Junk just keeps getting dropped over and over again while Meathead acts like Overeem in the Werdum rematch the moment it could hit the ground.

The last two fights really spoiled us, because they ended before any of them could really hit E on their gas tank, here we’re not so lucky as things pass the half way point both guys have slowed way way down.

NC: As the round comes to a close, you can see that both guys are losing steam in their punches

Finishing StrongK-1, eat your heart out.

PB: And looking at how much time is left for this episode, we’re going to have to sit through another 5 minutes of this slopfest. Dana is giddy like a schoolgirl because they’re playing Stand N Bang, it doesn’t matter how terrible they are, he just wants to see leather getting thrown.

Ah s**t, there’s Quinton.

Round two is a reminder why we subtitled this season as the one cardio forgot, it looks more and more like a brawl you’d see outside a dive bar at 3AM. Both guys shot their load 20 seconds in and now they’re just praying the other guy drops dead of a heart attack before they do.

NC: Junk manages to drag the action to the mat where he should have a clear advantage. “Should” being the operative word here. He stays on top but isn’t able to do much of anything so Josh Rosenthal stands them up. It’s a shame because they both seemed to be enjoying the opportunity to lie down and do nothing.

I think Junk was actually ahead heading into the middle of the second round, but he becomes a stationary target and Matt lands one clean shot after another.

PB: After Meathead gets the majority decision, Quinton (surprise surprise) walks off once again. Instead of checking on his fighter, he’s going to throw a full on f**king temper tantrum and show us just how pissed off he is. And he’ll do it by infamously destroying the cardboard door that separates the back rooms from the gym itself.

Door Destruction 1

Door Destruction 2One could argue that Rampage hasn’t had as convincing a win since.

Ever heard the saying “A bad mechanic blames his tools”?

NC: In this case, the mechanic himself is a tool.

PB: Try as he and his lapdog might, the only person Rampage should be mad at is himself. He was an idiot while picking fighters and then he hired even bigger idiots to work with them. This is like the blind leading the blind, and the idea that Jackson should shoulder even an ounce of responsibility is seen as ludicrous.

NC: After this episode aired, Rampage had a 2-13 TUF coaching record in his two combined seasons.

PB: You know what really irks me about Quinton and his coaches? None of them seem to give a s**t about actually helping anyone grow or improve as a fighter. If you’ve already lost, then f**k off with you, Tiki’s words of stupidity need to go to someone else. Unless you’re Kimbo, you just suck and you always will suck, there is no helping you so why even bother trying, you’re just a drain on resources.

That’s the message they’ve been sending loud and clear.

NC: It’s one of the reasons I’ve always wanted the show to move towards having coaches who are good coaches rather than picking it based on potential match-ups. Admittedly, it helped to add a lot of heat to the Rampage-Rashad collision that would go on to do about a million buys, but I’d say this was the last time this ploy worked (you could make an argument for Rousey-Tate II, but at that point Ronda was generating so much heat all the show did was delay the inevitable).

Bring Matt Serra back. Chael Sonnen. Big Nog. Heck, bring back Rashad! Give me coaches who care and form relationships with the fighters (even if it’s just for show) over pushing feuds that are usually already manufactured.

Then maybe we can get guys like Punisher Bass back into TUF.

PB: That’s going to be a tall order, because not even Shane Carwin’s coaching gig was enough.

Mitrione Victorious