The Ultimate Fighter: Latin America – Week 5

With me being out of town and The_Vortex dealing with business in his neck of the woods, our usual collaboration was pushed back. For now, here’s a quick recap of LAST week’s episode. Apologies to any readers. We’ll resume our regularly scheduled programming later this week.

I have returned from my Spanish vacation, which I took solely to work on being able to watch this show without subtitles. So in the spirit of that endeavour, I have this to say to you all:

Bonjour.

My compliments to The_Vortex for holding down the fort (The Alamo, you might say) while I was away. I’m just sad that I missed the Latino Kelsey Grammar, Chito Vera calling Humberto Brown “my black boy”, and, of course, “gay party”. GAY PARTY.

After a dominating 4-0 start, Team Velasquez is right to think that Team Werdum is mentally defeated. However, I do wonder if Cain Velasquez intentionally went after the other team’s weaker fighters so they could set up this exact scenario. For all we know, the remaining four Fabrício Werdum guys are killers. Like, Che Mills level. I’m predicting that Chito is going to break the streak this episode.

Meanwhile, the Mexicans celebrate in typically conservative fashion.

Pool PartyMy eyes! The pixels do nothing!

We get to meet Cain’s dog who he calls “Little DC” (Daniel Cormier). D’awww…how cute…and kind of insulting. It gets aggressive with Masio Fullen, probably because it was trained to chase off vagrants. He takes the opportunity to work on his bite defence.

Chito and his opponent, Henry Briones, are both family men. We learn that Chito is not only the less experienced fighter, but the more immature person when it comes to life in general. He dedicated so much of his time over the last few years to fighting that he’s only now realizing that he should have been spending it with his wife and daughter. His daughter has a disease that limits her facial expressions so she can’t laugh or smile. I suffer from a similar affliction, though in my case it’s just because I’m an a**hole.

I can only imagine how excited the producers were when Team Mexico asked them to bring a tent to the house. This is a situation where the cast is just doing all of their work for them. It ends up a lot like how you used to go camping in your backyard when you were a kid, only with more tequila shots.

No CartwheelWhere’s Diego Sanchez when you need him?

CampingWhat happens in the tent stays in the tent.

The morning after, El Diabolito isn’t doing so great…

DiabolitoExcessive drinking is so fun, just like in the movies!

I think I hate Guido Cannetti. He’s a s**t disturber and a know-it-all and he just has this look on his face all the time like he’s above this whole competition. Nobody is above TUF, you hear me Cannetti? He also ends up giving Chito an atrocious haircut.

The fight

After the first round, my prediction isn’t looking so hot. Chito was aggressive on the feet, but Henry was all over him once he managed to score a takedown. They worried about Henry’s wrestling and experience being too much for Chito and that is exactly the story that’s playing out here. It’s a clear cut first for Team Mexico.

The second round however…

Up Kick Axe KickRIGHT LEG, HOSPITAL

Chito with one of the most brutal and unlikely up-kick knockouts you’ll ever see! I don’t know if he’s just that good or Henry f**ked up, but the results speak for themselves. Chito attributes his victory to negative reinforcement from Werdum who threatened to smack him if he didn’t *ahem* step up his game in the second round.

Chito VictoriousWerdum finally gets to pick a fight!

Next week: Team Werdum’s Alexander Torres v. Team Velasquez’s Rodolfo Rubio. Also, the other ring girl’s name is Jamilette Gaxiola.

You’re welcome. Again.